Most Malaysians would know by now about the missing plane (MH370, Boeing 777) that was flying from KL to Beijing. It has been two days and the plane has not been found. The only signs were oil slicks in the ocean and authorities from around the world are trying their best to search for any signs of life or wreckage. Malaysia Airlines had told relatives of the missing passengers to fear the worst. There is no sadder news than to be told your loved ones might be dead whilst not really knowing if it’s true. You can’t grief and yet you can’t rest. 

When I first heard the news, I felt really disheartened and sad because firstly, any plane that has gone missing is terrible news and there are 239 people on board. Regardless of which country the plane flew from, I felt sick to my stomach because I know out there in the world, relatives and friends are engulfed by worries and anxiety as they wait for further updates regarding their loved ones. Secondly, it didn’t help knowing that the plane is from my home country and that I have also taken Malaysian Airlines more than 50 times in my life. It could have been me on that plane or worse still, it could have been my parents as they do tend out to fly out to China for vacations and trips. Thirdly, as a man who wants to be an aerospace engineer, this news makes me think about what happens if I become one of the engineers responsible for the plane one day and this happens. Don’t get me wrong. This news is not about me. It’s about the perception that I have at that point of time.

The news appeared as major headlines across the world and it’s as though you could hear everyone talking about it simultaneously. I do not know anyone on that plane but I do know lots of people that know people on that plane. That’s how big the news was. Status updates regarding it on Facebook and Twitter came out in droves. Most status updates are genuine kind ones asking people to pray and keep the passengers in mind. What really ticked people and me off were the complete douchebags who tried to grab attention by blaming the plane crash on the government, religion and some go as far as to say because the plane is a ‘Malaysian’ product, therefore, it crashed. This kind of attitude is not only highly insensitive but stupid and idiotic. This news is no laughing matter and yet people do. If you have nothing good to say, don’t say it at all.

Statistically, flying is actually the safest mode of transport but I can tell you most people fear flying because of the perception of it, the perception that plane can go down any time and spiral in flames. Car crashes, accidents, murders, bombings and fires happen everyday and many die but most never make the headlines on news or grab people’s attention. Why? It’s because it happens everyday and therefore there is no anomaly and therefore not worth mentioning or not ‘big’ according to the media. When things like the plane accident happen, it gets to all of us because it reinforces our perception that flying is dangerous and that you can do down any time.

Life is fragile and we all know it. Well, most of us any ways. Some of us think we are immortals and that we can live forever. We can do whatever crap we like and we can get away with it. You want the truth? The crap you do over your life will catch up with you one day. We are not immortals. No, we don’t live forever. We are going to die one day and become ashes. That as much is true. For some of us like me who are religious, we believe that there will be judgement of our life in front of God. For the rest of us, we just stop existing altogether and be forgotten soon. Most of us are unable to accept on a daily basis that we can go any day including today. I read in a book once and I hold it close to my heart because it speaks volumes of our actions. “Only when you are ready to die, would you be ready to live.”

When you live that way, you look at things differently and you try to be a better person. Knowing that we did good, if we go, we go with peace and solace. We know we left a footprint for others to follow. Don’t abandon that ability. Deep down, you are inherently kind. Don’t deny yourself that. Be the good person you know you can be and make a difference in this world. 

On a final note, I pray for all the people out there in the plane. I really hope that they all survived. Until they are found, I refuse to give up hope that they died. I pray for all their relatives and friends that they will stay strong during this time. Life is fragile. Love your family and friends while you still can. Don’t ever give up. Not on yourself. Not ever. 

Death does not choose. Death does not fight. Death comes when it comes.

Nothing is too late. Nothing is too early. There is only, the right time.

We have all dealt with death before. Even for those who have not been through a death of a loved one, they are somehow or rather influenced by it without realizing it. Death creates and spurs a chain of events that turn our lives upside down and inside out. I would like to think that soldiers and Navy seals are not immune to it even though they say they are.

It is inevitable that death befalls us. We are not immortals. There are some that believe that our souls will not cease to exist but instead await judgement. There are some who believe that we cease to exist altogether.

Under normal circumstances, a lot of people naturally move on after facing a death. However, there is a window or grace period for you to mourn. The most important thing is to use this window wisely and not get stuck in the past. If you however continue to mourn after the window has passed, you find yourself in a house of mirrors or trapped in a bubble with no way out. You keep projecting your emotions, feelings and regrets onto the deceased that it keeps becoming a cycle, a never ending cycle. That’s when we stop living and instead have become the walking dead. 

Why do we get affected by it so badly at times? The question is what do you do after we meet anyone? You say goodbye, good luck, have a safe trip, be good, all the best, tell me how it goes and so on and so forth. I think we all say this with the hope of meeting that person again sometime in the future, maybe not too soon but definitely somewhere and sometime when the two paths intertwined again. If the memory and impression of the person is a strong and good one, that hope becomes a candle that burns. The candle continues to burn until the next time you meet the person again. It stops burning. Then, it lights again. It is a repeating cycle but like all candles, they are never lasting and the wick will soon run out. It will then feels like a completely empty room overwhelmed with darkness.

We all deal with things differently. I normally deal with it pretty well. I have grown up accepting the fact that death is a natural part of life. Yes, I feel sad whenever it happens but I know I have to keep continue living because that’s what they would want me to do. As a Catholic, I do not believe death is the end of our journey. Death is only the beginning. We spend our whole lives living in the midst of mysteries and to finally being able to see and learn about them is a beautiful thing. We live in a world that is suffering and painful. Dying releases us of that burden and set us free. Gravity has let go of us. 

Reading the book ‘The Five People You Meet in Heaven’ a while back has strengthened this perspective. It also has given me a new one. The book is fiction but I would like to think that it is true and and it will be what we go through. We die and then meet different people of our lives. They may or may not be directly related to us but they had have a major presence and effect on our lives. These people help give us solace. More importantly, they help us make sense of our yesterdays and to understand our past. 

Those that are dead go through that path. What about us? We also go through that. We scan through memories of the person, meet with people that shared the same sentiments and give him one last goodbye at his grave so that we can make sense of our yesterdays with the person and to treasure the memories we had been through together. The empty room with darkness is no more but what’s left is a token.

You carry these tokens through your life after saying your final goodbyes. One by one of this tokens fuel you with hope, a different kind of hope that one day, no matter how long, you will be with them again in paradise. 

Like a dolphin yo.

Hey there, didn’t see you. *Turns around chair* Today is the first day in my quest to become an ultimate dolphin. 

*Head looks down* Yes, I do not know how to swim. Hey, there’s a first for everything. Here’s how my my first lesson went down. Case A and Case B. 

Case A

A 20-year old boy tries to swim. Breathing in an air of courage, he jumps in the swimming pool. Full of confidence, his legs started kicking against the water. His hands move out in a V-shape athlete manner creating the ultimate breaststroke. Breathes out into the water. Breathes in air as he rises… He was on his way… to not move an inch. 

Case B

A 10-year old girl down into the deep end of the pool and starts swimming. 

Well, the girl was my instructor’s daughter. Haha. I have to say it was pretty fun. I used to fear what would happen to me if I go into the swimming pool. When I sit on planes, I used to imagine situations where I jumped heroically out of the plane wearing the ugly yellow duckling vest and then the vest burst. When you can’t swim, there’s a lot of things you can’t do without worrying not that I worry much.

I’m hoping my future lessons will be better and I can really start swimming like a fish. Imagine the things I can do! Like 

Swimming, more swimming and more more swimming. There isn’t really much to do. But I can start banana boating or go into a ship without worrying that much.

Here’s to uncharted waters. Cheers! 

 

I can finally say I’m back home after a while. Ipoh is and will forever will be my home. But Kuching is something else entirely.

Some things have changed. Some have not. The question I ask myself is what kind of person I am now? I so often realise I revert back to a different personality when I’m back here talking to my friends. You may not realize it but your personality ever so slightly changes when you are with different people or in different places.

When you are on holiday, you are on a tourist personality. When you are with your school friends, you revert to the personality from that era.

I find mine changes. When I’m back with my high school friends, I simply am who I was. The rough and loud guy. It was a simpler time. I didn’t have relationships to deal with. I didn’t have to think about my future. I didn’t have to fix a lot of situations.

The fact that I’m writing this post means my personality is not completely reverted. Being in a new environment overseas has given me new perspective on things and also to introspect more on a daily basis. New friends and a different stage of life has given birth to a  growing and different personality.

I think what I’m trying to say is I realise I have change a lot. So much so that I realize that my personality is slightly different with different people. It’s part of growing and it’s part of a paradigm shift in cultures.

I really do wonder what makes us change our personalities. Is it the fact that we just put on different faces for different people? Or is it that you are just naturally influenced by your environment. Or is it you share similar experiences which makes your output different ?

This holiday is making me going through my past, my roots, my experiences more so than the rest. I am hoping for the best and I hope this inspires you to ask yourself, why do I act the way I do in front of people?

“Hey hey, bro, what we going to do bro? We ain’t find a home yet? ”
“Don’t worry bro, I got your back. We homies stick together for life yo”
“Alright, bro fist”
“You mean bro leg?”
“Ok, let’s bro leg!”

So the two insects went together in search of a home. It was a tall building they are looking at. There’s the security cameras and don’t get me started on the stairs and the lifts. How did they even get through? Silly me, they are insects. They can …fly.

Off they flew floor by floor in search of a home to stay. Beggars can’t be choosers. But this was the annoying elite squad of beggars which makes them professional hunters which means they are not beggars.

“Sully, I feel tired. Can we just lie down somewhere first? My legs are wearing out.”

Sully adjusted his imaginary tie and started talking to his imaginary mic. “Mick. Rain, hail or shine, we are going to do this. We are going to make our fathers and their fathers and their father’s fathers proud. We won’t be let down. I dream. Oh, I boldly dream of a world where’s there is peace and the black and white can sit down together…”

Mick nudged him, “Sully…”

“We will talk like civilised adults insects and provide for the future and the future genera…”

“Sully!!!!! Look!”

“Shit.”

So he did. What he saw before him was unlike anything he has seen before. It was the gold standard. The house’s owners have left for vacation. It was so silent you can hear a pin drop. What stand before them was a toilet bowl. This, this wasn’t an ordinary bowl. No, it was as stated, the gold standard.

It was unoccupied, untouched and …unflushed after someone did their number two. This was the Hawaii to the insects. This was… My toilet.

My parents left the house more than a month ago. I suspect one of them forgot to flush it. The toilet bowl was filled with larvae and well,shit. Don’t puke now. I know. Hang in there.

When I went to the toilet (I was the first to discover), it was beyond scary.

Imagine lord of the rings. Imagine Sauron. Imagine him in his all glorified form with his ring.

That was what I felt I saw.

It has now scarred me for life. The whole bottle of toilet bowl cleaner can only do so much. I need counselling.

Bye everyone 🙂

Before I go on any further, let me just say the Time Keeper is one of the best books I have read for a long time. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not one to make a sweeping statement. I’m just saying out of the books I have read, this is one of the best books if not the best.

The Time Keeper is a book by Mitch Albom. He also wrote The five people you meet in heaven, Tuesdays with a Morrie and For one more day. I read two of his books before and they were feel good and inspirational. This one is different in the sense it might have possibly change my perception of time forever.

This book takes you a journey and towards the end, I really felt what the author is trying to say. Heck, I didn’t even feel that it’s the author talking, the book excelled at making me feel a part of the journey.

We have always been reminded of how important time is to us in various ways. Whenever we lose a family member or when we watch others waste their time, we think of ourselves and for that day, we tend to appreciate the time a little more. Soon we forget about it again and just continue to live as it is.

But let’s say you have the ability to control time and to stop time whenever so that you can do more in a day, would you?

When was the last time we truly live in the moment, when was the last time we stop taking out our smartphones and truly concentrate on the people in front of us? When was the last time you appreciated time?

I was originally going to write a story with the title above but I realized it won’t do it justice as I will be writing it hastily. I haven’t had too much time lately to do the things I want to do. I rarely talk to my friends from high school anymore for precisely the same reason. If I just talk to them in haste, then I wouldn’t be really communicating with them but is in a desperate attempt to maintain the friendship while undermining the significance of it all. 

I met a friend who once told me, “I can’t afford to be optimistic because I will get hurt eventually.” She will just be let down by it in the end opening up a side which was closed up for a reason so simple and yet fully justifies her actions, the side of vulnerability. She is right. Optimism is always going to be greeted by a sense of vulnerability at most occasions.

Wars, misfortunes, misconceptions, social marginalization and heartbreaks are going to get you there. You are going to be hurt terribly and you asked yourself a question, was it ever worth it at all? 

I feel inclined to tell you yes. I also feel inclined to also tell you no. I’m a fairly optimistic person because I just am. Lately, that sense of optimism hasn’t really been rewarded to make me start asking my own questions.

I once said to a couple of people, especially when the times get hard, when it seems like all is lost, that is the time you have to stay optimistic and keep hoping. Others see that in you and hopefully it sparks a turnaround. If there was never a sign of hope at all, then there would be no reason left to do anything. By anything I mean anything. That’s how strong hope is.

I don’t know about you. No one really takes their own advice. No? Sometimes, people just sweep things under the rug and never face the situation head on. That’s how most people stay optimistic. Just keep sweeping it underneath and keep moving on in life. Someday, they are going to catch up to you and at that point, you have to make a decision. 

Yes, optimism leads you to being vulnerable but you have to take the risk sometimes. If you never take it, then you will never realize the full potential of that hope you have. To love is a big risk, but people take it anyways because it can be so rewarding in the end.  I guess what I’m trying to say is if you lose it all because you were optimistic and you took the risk, hang in there. You will need time to recover. It does not mean you stop trying. Take all the time you need. At least be optimistic about one thing, that one day you will get back out there. 

 

 

University has always been that place of hope, dreams and hopefully a symbol of change. For people who didn’t get around too much in high school, university often offers a path of escape into becoming someone different and doing something that actually matters to you. High school jocks will still go to unis to become jocks. Every party of the year will be attended because really that’s how we have all come to look at universities and colleges; the wild nights, Oktoberfest, costumes, beer contest and flings. The way it has always been portrayed in movies and series fills becomes assimilated in real life. Little did we know that this offers a path of escape too for troubled hearts. 

Each student has their own story and path to map out. From afar, when you see two students talking, what could be seen as a normal conversation could be the start of a beautiful friendship or maybe it was just something about the next social outing or maybe just about uni assignments. You never know. Sometimes we judge people too quickly and label them as we walked past. If you look close enough and beyond their appearances, you see affliction. You see a struggle within often not being told verbally or even action wise. It’s something you just have to observe yourself. Who really wants you to see them as vulnerable souls? Who really wants you to see them as weak beings?

We often lose sight of that and think that we ourselves have lots of problems and that people who always make jokes and keep laughing are normal fine people with no problems at all. Fact is they are not fine. There is just so much in life that we do not know about but we assume we do. Assumptions are often dangerous but it is also the way human brain works. We all are always going to be troubled by something whether it’s achievement, social or relationship wise. The trick is not to let it bother you but rather go through it with someone else. If it helps and it will, say a prayer too.

In the midst of tiredness and complacency, it’s easy to forget everything in life and just focus on yourself. You are right to do that. Sometimes, you do need a bit of time alone. When you are ready to go through it with someone, when you are ready to share your troubles with someone, go find them. There will always be someone out there. Don’t keep everything to yourself. Someone out there needs you the same way you need them. Chances are the friendships will become much stronger because of this.

A university is not a place of hopes and dreams. It is rather a journey you are going through. It is a path to learn your identity and hopefully understanding yourself better. It is a stage of life. You are at the age where you keep asking questions about yourself. University or college offers you that. Everything you learn in uni regarding the human heart, the moments and forces, probability or design is something you will definitely learn but remember the times with people where you thought they didn’t matter most or that you didn’t learn much. They might turn out to be the path of escape you need. The path to understand yourself and also to build friendships. 

 

I is realised I have never written a geek post. I’m not that huge a geek but I’m kinda one. Big news today! Ben Affleck was cast as Batman in Man of Steel 2. And the whole world went bananas.

Their reaction was a straight sharp pitch voice that a baby can try to produce.

NO!

Simply cause Ben Affleck played Daredevil poorly does not mean he will play batman poorly. Ladies and gentlemen, give the man a chance. I will tell you why you should.

DC already screwed this up with rushing the production of man of steel 2 and also the impending Justice League movie. They can’t really screw it up any further. Ben Affleck played Daredevil like what? Ten years ago. Do you not know that acting skills can be improved and that people do learn from their mistakes? Before Bale was in the Prestige or The Machinist, I mean did anyone really know him as a great actor?

Personally I would love Bale to continuing playing batman. He will easily outshine Henry Cavill. But sometimes not everything goes your way. So why not give it a try? It might be bad but… it might be good. You never know.

Writing in the wee hours of the night. Wee…. Anyways, how have you been? Yea, you. You as in you reading this. Doing well? Growing healthier? Or stressed?

Where do I start? I actually don’t know what to write. Just thought of writing something. I guess I should ask you the question, where are you headed? Is everything a smooth sail?

I guess things are really unpredictable at times. Life throws all sorts of surprises at you. Perspectives can change overnight, life, life can change overnight. What is impossible becomes possible. What is possible becomes further than reality. Am I speaking poetry? No, I am not.

I think the question I really should ask is where am I going? Where am I headed? I don’t know the direction of my ship. Just being you can be tricky. Do I trust myself? Am I rowing my boat well?

Anyways, I’m just free writing. I will write a story soon. Time will tell.