They say graduation is one of the big achievements you will have in life. They say the ceremony is a celebration of your efforts. They say photos are necessary to commemorate the occasion. They say, a lot of things.

On the night before my graduation ceremony, I sat on my bed and listened to a football podcast (shoutout to the arseblog!). Having been exhausted from my weekend shenanigans, I slept without much effort. The next morning, I woke up and it felt like any other day. After all, I already knew I graduated. In my mind, the ceremony is just a glorified occasion designed to scheme one’s money. I recognised the importance of the graduation ceremony but at the same time, I didn’t.

I showered and put on a white shirt with black fluff on it. That’s how nonchalant I am that I didn’t check to see that I had a completely spotless white shirt (either that or I’m just plain lazy, I think it’s really cause I’m lazy). I put on my red tie and for a moment, for just one, I remembered the first time I put on one. I was a prefect in primary school and my sister’s friend whom was left-handed taught me and hence, I’ve tied it left handed since.

I was feeling anxious not because of the day itself but because I was afraid I was going to be late to take photos with my friends since I promised to be there by 12:30. I took official photos with my family and personal photos with each friend that came. Then, I went into the ceremony, received my cert from the Dean, tipped my hat (albeit a bit early as I stuffed up my timing) and sat down. Four years had come to this very moment. It’s done. Finally, it’s done.

Again, I was wrong.

I exited the ceremony and took more photos. One after the other, I kept taking them. Then my sister goes up to me and say, “Hey, you haven’t taken an individual photo with each one in the family yet,” to which replied hastily, “I thought we had several family shots already, we don’t need individual ones.” Later on, Father Peter whom I’m close with asked me, “Did you cry? I would have thought you would,” So did I as well. I was slightly surprised I didn’t.

I didn’t want to hold up any flowers or my certificate during this whole process. It felt almost like I was showing off and that I’m hoarding for attention if I did that. Little did I realise by doing that, I was actually not allowing people around me to partake in the occasion completely. Ultimately, I didn’t allow myself to do so.

Later on, I took a photo with my mum. As I took it, my dad said to the others, “She’s responsible for everything. She would scold him when he’s not doing his work. She would make sure that he studies. She did all of it.” He was right.

As the afternoon light die down, I said to my family, “Let’s all take a photo one by one,” I held my Bachelors certificate in my hand and faced the camera. One by one came up to me. I couldn’t help it but broke down.

It finally dawned on me.

I was so busy all day that I haven’t had a chance to pause. I never stopped to realise that this is an achievement. This is one that was not only made possible by me but by my parents, my sister, my brother-in-law, my aunty, my friends and most importantly God. I have much to be grateful for, from the days of learning to put on a tie till now.

Just because so many people pass through this milestone, it does not make it any less of one. It’s even more significantly so when you’re the one that’s celebrating it.

Ceremonies and receptions have always been a human tradition to signify the end but also the beginning. We don’t absorb the full scale of what we achieved, what we have been through and what the future brings in an instant but rather over its entirety. This is brought to fruition with the culmination of the occasion.

They say graduation is one of the big achievements you will have in life. They say the ceremony is a celebration of your efforts. They say photos are necessary to commemorate the occasion. They say, a lot of things. They are all true. It is the end but also the beginning of a new chapter in life. Take it in. You deserve it.

It was a Thursday morning. As usual, I woke up late!  I ran to my friend’s graduation ceremony. Fortunately, I caught her in time and managed to grab a photo with her. Since I had plenty of time after, I went to this coffee shop called La Banette Pâtisserie and grab a mocha. Then, I walked to the bus stop which was 15 minutes away to head back to my alma mater as I had something to do.

There were two ways I could go to my university. One was to catch the 393 bus which would take 25 minutes. Another was just to catch the express bus which would take up only 12 minutes. The reason being that the 393 stopped at multiple stops along the way compared to the latter which was a direct journey. Holding my coffee cup, I thought I might just catch the relatively empty 393 and enjoy the quiet bus ride. So, I did exactly that.

5 minutes along the way, I saw not one but two express buses went past me in a flash. In that one moment, that scene perfectly encapsulated what I was going through.

Having actually done what I told myself to do from my last post, (I know, I can’t quite believe it myself), I find myself facing really tough questions as to where am I at in my life. I have a friend who has been working for 3 months now in a job she likes. I have another who recently secured one at a research facility. My other friends? They are on the verge of graduating. One even got engaged recently albeit he is much older than me and at a very different stage of his life.

Each time I talk to someone, the natural question would be, “Are you working yet?” or “Have you graduated yet?”. Thankfully, I have graduated. Yes, yes I have. I am now a bachelor degree holder and no, no I have not started working yet. It’s partially because of my visa circumstances but also partially because I just needed time. In a nutshell, I can’t really do anything about it. I told my friend that everyone else seems to be ahead of me and that it gets to me sometimes. He said this, “Well, it’s not about ahead or behind. It’s about your own part of it all.”

First of all, what the hell does that even mean? Not helping! Second of all, I realized I give out these semi vague advice all the time, so much so that my friend calls it Chonguisms. Somehow, I managed to understand what he said.

I feel we live in a society where progress follows a set pattern and a productive life can only be dictated by a certain number of boxes. Progress meaning primary school, high school, university, working and then possibly marriage. This idea or time frame of figuring out what to do with your life  simply does not exist because it is such a competitive environment. What is that phrase? You snooze, you lose. Ugly statement but it’s true. For some, financial difficulties dictate our life and it is imperative that we work hard towards supporting ourselves and our families.

Somehow, I have this little window whereby I can actually reflect on the past five years and what I have done. Having done all of that, it’s time to lay the foundation again for my life ahead. I am able to do some readings and work on my music. It’s really because of my sister I have this window and it’s one I very much appreciate. In the meantime, I have been volunteering at the Catholic Chaplaincy at my university and that has been an eye opening and humbling experience. I won’t go into much detail about that because that deserves an entire post itself.

Truthfully, I still feel I am behind sometimes but that’s because I know I like engineering and that I didn’t just obtain my degree for the fun of it but rather to help achieve societal progress. One day, I will do just that.

Sitting in my bus, it was nice. It wasn’t packed with students. It allowed to me have some quiet time while I sip my coffee. To paraphrase a favorite author of mine, Mitch Albom and modifying it slightly, it’s not to make your life faster but to make the world slower. My misconception in my thinking was that my life was static but I was always moving because 20 minutes later, my bus arrived at the destination.

I’m still figuring my own part of it all. One day, I will. As for now, I am fine where I am at. I just have to remember what was all of it for.

 

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Silence.

Tick. Tock.

Silence.

For ten seconds, drop whatever you are doing including reading this, close your eyes and just breathe. No thoughts. No distractions.

Silence.

I do wonder if you find that silence is comforting or disturbing. I hope it’s the former because it is truly a rarity to appreciate a soundless environment and for a moment in time, it is just you and no one else.

I don’t know about you but I found it really hard to let go of my phone. I still do sometimes. Since the birth of the iOS and Android (sorry Microsoft), we can do anything on our phones. Name it as you will. Texting. Calling. Scheduling. Web browsing. Gaming. Reading. Fitness tracker. Social networking. Pretty much almost everything, and that is scary.

I wrote about this a while back in Apple and the Tree but that was just scratching the surface. It’s not just our phones that caused us to be so busy. It’s the idea of wanting to be busy all the time. When we seem to have a free weekend, we schedule dates, movies and dinners. Even when we are not free, we also do the same. The moment we step foot on the bus or train, we plugged our earphones and get lost in a sea of rhythms and melodies. When we finished work or uni, we go home and watch TV. After watching TV, we go to bed. While lying down, maybe we watch YouTube on our phones, scroll the Reddit channels or simply browse the Web.

It’s almost as if we are afraid of being bored.

I remember the times when I was 16 and 17. My school never allowed students to carry phones. Somehow, my parents (my dad mostly) had a habit of picking me up late. So, when school finished, I will be standing under this tree and wait for my parents. There were no chairs to sit on, so yes, I was standing for almost 1 hour. Of course, sometimes, I will go into this little porch and sit down. If I was worried about my dad, I would have to use one of those public phones and put 50 cents in. Ha. Public phones. Anyway, I was actually fine with waiting and doing nothing. I mean sure, there were girls on the other side of the bridge to look at but hey, they weren’t there all the time.

The funny thing is I can’t imagine doing that today. If I had a smartphone, I would have taken it out of my pocket immediately and start doing something. Anything. Again, that is scary.

I question why am I so afraid of being bored and how did I pick up these habits. I know most readers would think it is fine to constantly want to do something because that just means that no time is wasted. Ask yourself this though, are you really wasting time or you just can’t stand your brain not being stimulated? All of these constant usage and perpetual communications cause our brains to be overstimulated and possibly go into hyper-drive. We never have time to reflect on our day, our actions and our interactions with others. Perhaps, that’s why silence seems like a daunting prospect because as a friend put it, “We are afraid of what we might find out about ourselves when all is still.”

I think that is very true. Our brain is like a pipe. Water keeps flowing through and that’s fine because it shows that it is functioning. However, as we know, dirt and sediments will one day clog it up and burst the pipe if we don’t pause every now and then. Whether it’s an achievement or a mistake, it is good to take a moment in time and think back about the day. It’s the same reason people write diaries.

As we are so used to constant static noise, it would be hard to actually face silence initially but I can assure you, you would find it fruitful when you say, “Today, I’m going to have 30 minutes to myself and nothing else. Come what may but I want to know about my life and what is going on with it.”

In silence, there is always a story to be told from your memories of things and places around you.

You just have to listen for it.

 

 

 

 

 

Trying something new here, I’m going to write  on the fly, not in the plane or writing on an actual fly but writing on my mobile. I feel if I keep procrastinating, I’ll never write anything at this rate.

Anyway, I was quite productive today. I went to take photos with two of my friends who graduated today. Speaking of which, I’m graduating soon! Following that, I caught up with two friends! One of whom I haven’t caught up with properly for one and a half years. She was one of the few engineering friends I still keep in contact with because we could always talk more than engineering. With most of my engineering course mates, we do find ourselves not having topics to talk about because

a) I don’t play League of Legends
b) I don’t watch Australian Football League or cricket or any Aussie sport (I feel there’s a joke I can make here but I rather not thread on)
c) I don’t talk about planes and cars all the time
d) I don’t Steam. That came out wrong but you know what I mean. Hopefully.

So whenever I could find a friend who has the same wavelength as me and could intertwine topics about life together with engineering. It is pretty cool. I think this brings me back to one of the subjects I did in uni. It was Professional Engineering and Communication. In one of the careers talk, they asked us to choose three cards from a deck which suggested what we want to do in our careers. I picked ‘Social Outreach’, ‘Helping Others’ and ‘Research’ if I recalled correctly. Others picked cards like ‘High Productivity’, ‘Inventing Solutions’ and ‘Team Management’. Something along those lines. In other people’s eyes, my cards were considered duds and so they were rarely chosen. They were like, “Why are you in engineering then?” I did not know what to say.

I think people have the opinion sometimes that helping people means becoming a nurse, priest, social worker, counselor and teacher. Quick to form judgement,  reaction can entail, “Oh you’re a teacher, great job girl, you’re going to help students.” or “Oh you’re an engineer, what field are you in and what projects have you been doing?” That’s quite a simplistic and narrow minded view on jobs that some have. It’s almost always either helping people or be a productive and financially capable professional. It’s never a melding of both because of perception that it’s a larger than life concept.

Having just came back from her exchange, my friend was struggling to find meaning in her studies again because she said she doesn’t know if biomedical engineering suits her anymore or rather, she doesn’t know the purpose of her degree anymore. She started her degree with the mindset of wanting to help others but somewhere along the way, maybe she doesn’t quite know if she is able to do that with her current degree and lost the motivation needed.

This is also where I struggle with at times. What is helping others? It’s so easy to spit out those words but honestly, how do you help others?

As I ponder that question, I caught up with another friend who funnily enough, is the epitome of someone always putting others before herself. Being busy with her second degree, college commitments and family  responsibilities, she volunteers to teach mathematics to refugee students two days a week. In my mind, I was thinking you should get paid while doing it. But then that defeats the purpose, purest form of giving is always in giving without expecting anything in return.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s what helping is. It should be second nature to us just as talking is. In any role or job, we focus on the productivity and success aspect of it. This is measured by public recognition, annual salary and life benefits. Practically, that’s perfectly fine. We all need to survive and raise families someday. We all want fashion, gadgets and automobiles.

However, I think helping is not limited by the scope of the job. It may not be quite obvious but anything can aid towards that. I don’t think the cards I chose are duds. They are something everyone including myself should keep in mind. There’s no need for compartmentalisation between selflessness and career. It helps bring a sense of purpose to what we do.

The argument can be made that why should we help others if no one helps us. It brings us back to the truest form of giving. Don’t expect anything in return. We are definitely entitled to want people to treat us well. However as always, “do unto others as you want others to do unto you”.

Simple advice but one we all struggle with but hopefully continue to persevere despite hardships and doubts.

I’m way over due for a post, am I? It’s been more than a month since my last post. Every so often, I realise I need to return to basics and just, write from the heart. No structure. No planning. Just a letter from me to you and myself.

It’s not that I don’t have any ideas to write about or am not inspired. Somehow, I just haven’t sat down to do what I love the most, which is to write about these little inspirations I find from people from around me. It’s not that I don’t have time. I gave up YouTube for lent. I haven’t watched much television. Maybe it’s because I’ve been spending more time on the guitar. Maybe it’s because I come home tired from work. Maybe somewhere along the way, I haven’t had time to think about myself and forgot the beauty of writing.

In a way, this blog is a diary (I actually typed dairy for one second) of my struggles in life. Life is a strange cocoon of problems at times. There are instances where we don’t know how to deal with them. Sometimes, we’re torn apart by dilemmas. Other times, we just wish we can give up and stop time eternally. I faced a few myself.

For the first time in my life, I’ve been in Sydney for more than a year. For the first time in my life, I am away from my home during Chinese New Year. For the first time, I haven’t got a chance to return to the place I call home. I was in an internship in Sydney and hence, I needed to stay. The dream for a good career and better life seems to be on everyone’s minds but at what cost? I miss home. I miss my parents. However, the dilemma lies here. I’ve been away from home for too long that I don’t feel I belong there when I go back. When you have stayed at a different country, you undergo an immersion of a different culture and slowly find yourself changing. I’ve changed. My friends know that. My accent is not what it used to be. I’m not who I used to be. However, no matter how long I’ve stayed in Sydney, I’m still not Australian.

For better or worse, this state of limbo taught me some things. Somehow, it gives me a unique perspective and outlook on life. To my friends, I look like the kind of guy that will settle down, get married and have ten kids. Maybe, that will happen someday but I also know I’m a free spirit and a daydreamer.

The free spiritedness of myself meant that I never used to put my life ahead of me. I usually strut along to whatever rhythm I’m in and assume that was fine. Like a boat, I travel up and down on the wave that takes me. Wherever it takes, I follow. When people ask me, “Do you have a plan?” Honestly, I didn’t like answering that question simply because I was afraid of the future. Today, someone asked me that again. I told him, “Yeah, I have some sort of a plan after my internship ends. I’m going to do this and do that.” Then, he said, “You need to have one. The more granular your plan is, the more successful your life will be.” Deep down, I know he’s right.

I need to be assertive. I need to know what I want in life. I should have some expectations on myself. I have that quality in my professional life but in my personal one, I’m found wanting far too often. Of course, I shouldn’t steer to the far end of the spectrum and be demanding on every aspect of my life. Some things takes place as it is. As always, balance is important and one day, I hope I will get there.

The essence of being a free spirit is that you go with whatever life takes you. In the midst, I think we all need to have some control of the boat we are in. This is so that we remember who we are and why we do what we do. Once we forget where we come from and the reasons for our dreams, we lose ourselves. A priest told this to me once, “The idea of having infinite options is enticing because it presents millions of possibilities.” We could reach for the stars and the moon. However, at the end of the day, they remain options if we never choose any of them and we end up not being fruitful at all.

Pray. Discern. Do what you will. Do what you need to. Don’t rush and be calm headed. At some point in your life, you need to realise you need to choose and take a leap of faith. As I’m fading west, I have again found courage to embrace my fears of the future. It is what it is but I’m breathing. That means I will never know what is coming tomorrow. And that is a beautiful thing.

 

 

 

 

A few days ago, I finally got around to watching this anime, titled “Spirited Away”. It was written and directed by Hayao Miyazaki, one of Japan’s greatest animators and storytellers. Here is a picture of No-Face (Kaonashi). When I was first revealed to him, I didn’t know what to think because he was emotionless and expressionless. I mean, think about it. How can you show emotion without a face? His character had such mystery that you didn’t know what to expect.

Then, in the second act of the film, he started eating A FROG AND TWO HUMANS. All hell broke loose. This guy who was faceless ate two humans/souls! I am not going to put that picture here. Just imagine him eating you. That’s a good enough description. Somehow, when I think of Kaonashi, it reminded me of today’s Internet users.

Guys, for the sake of this post, I decided to go to YouTube and watched Friday by Rebecca Black. Seriously, the things I do for you all is incomparable. I put my sanity on the line.  Why Friday? Well, it’s because today is said title and  it’s one of the most disliked videos on the YouTube space. There are 1 883 568 dislikes compared to 521 946 that thought otherwise.  Here are some of the comments that was written there.

Not gonna lie but…. she looks like an idiot, the video sucks, and so does her voice

It is 2016 and my ears continue to bleed…

MOST ANNOYING SONG EVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! I WOULD EAT A PINECONE THAN LISTION TO THIS

F**kin terrible

I’m sure if you search deeper into the trenches of the comments section, you will find a lot more profanity and terrible things being said. Before the birth of the Internet, we were already horrible enough. We never would have thought it could be worse. It did and even more. Armed with our keyboards, we often rushed into battle like a headless chicken without thinking of the consequences it will have on the person you are attacking. Let me ask you this, if 2 million people tell you that you’re a*insert multiple profane words of your choice* person, are you going to be alright?

Google-San and Reddit-Kun has given us a platform to learn about the world in a multitude of ways and also able to feed us extensive information. With such a technological advantage, it is startling that we appear to have such a infant understanding of human emotions and show no apparent interest in other people’s opinions. In the age of definitive judgement and seeming desire to find finality, we like our opinions much better than anyone else’s. For everything that we did right, we are right. For everything that we did wrong, we are still right. Somehow we never stopped to think that another person is reading what we are writing and that they also have different ideas that want to be heard. Most importantly, the person you are critiquing is reading it. Hiding behind anonymity and being faceless, some of us end up like Kaonashi and make crude judgements and assumptions without realising the impact of our actions.

Let it sink in that Rebecca Black was 13 years old when the video was released to so much fanfare and was caught in a firefight. Fortunately, Miss Rebecca recovered from this and has a pretty successful YouTube channel amidst everything. She could had easily let herself be destroyed by the seemingly cold actions. As great as Google and Reddit are, we manage to make ourselves more distant from each other even when it is suppose to do the exact opposite.

How did we get here?

Twitter, Facebook, Skype, YouTube, Reddit, Whatsapp and SnapChat have one thing in common, which is that they are all communication tools between people. However, something is quite off with that definition. We don’t just communicate with words and visual contact. We communicate with our whole being. Our eyes, feet, hands and mouth work together to tell a story. When we see another person present in front of our eyes, we remember the humanity present within them. It can never be replicated no matter how far we have advanced in technology. It will never replicate the beauty of two people talking to each other in person. That beauty is something we take for granted especially in this day and age.

I think this is essentially why some of us can be so mean on the Internet and we forgotten about the humanity present within all of us. I doubt we will ever see a day where the comment sections are filled with constructive criticism instead of destructive ones but wouldn’t that be nice. It’s not a droid that is reading what you have written. It is a person with flesh and blood that does. When did we forget that?

Although Kaonashi ate a frog and two souls (Did I say he ate them? Yes, he ate them.), Chihiro, the movie’s protagonist never gave up hope in Kaonashi and knows he can be better. Bear in mind that the essence of Chihiro was taken from someone in real life. That someone was the 10-year old daughter of Hayao Miyazaki’s close friend. I’m sure we can remember that the Internet was suppose to bring us closer to each other and provide a platform for effective and better communication.

Can we not be better? I’m sure Chihiro would agree.

Hey everyone, guess what? It’s 2016 already. I suppose this post is ten days late but better late than never. I suppose each and everyone of you are trying to keep up with your new year’s resolution. I never really shared that sentiment because I always think resolutions are just another way to lend your life some purpose and motivation, and most often they last temporarily. This list that you chalked up at the beginning of the year serves as a reminder of the great potential you have. However, it also becomes a melancholic reflection when you realise the bullet points are the same as the ones written in the years before.

For me, one of these things was playing the guitar. I wrote about it in Strings and Keys about a year ago. I didn’t have any resolution regarding it. One day, I decided to just do it and I did. Over the course of the year, I had played with several friends and wrote six songs along the way. I’m glad I just did it. Upon further reflection, I realise writing down resolutions is not a bad thing as long as you’re realistic and practical about it. Another thing to add is be specific about them and that would also help as well. So here goes mine:

1. Learn musical theory and also learn how to read guitar tabs better
2. Read finish Life of Christ and Nicomachean Ethics
3. Keep up to date with happenings in the aerospace industry daily
4. Attend monthly aerospace industry meetings
5. Keep up to date with news around the world
6. Blog better by reading more thought provoking websites and opinionated columns (collaborating with others as well)
7. Attend monthly Theology on Tap sessions
8. Write music for praise and worship
9. Get a girlfriend

I’m sure there’s a lot more to it as well but these are the nine eight things I want to focus on. No seriously, I’m joking about number 9. I feel that 9 should be a by product of you learning to be selfless and loving others. Some of you may know that I have completed my tertiary education. Throughout my life, it feels as though I’m on a bicycle but with training wheels. Primary, secondary and tertiary education served as a map to success but it’s anything but. Most people stumble after tertiary education and I am no exception.

Every few years, I would question myself as to what I want to do in my life. After secondary school, I needed a year to find purpose and direction in my life. I did really well in Foundation Studies (equivalent of year 12) but somehow my life lacked substance and direction. Later on, it came in the form of the Catholic Asian Students’ Society. I may not be as talented as a lot of other people but for once in my life, my whole being had a purpose which is to serve the students at the university as best as I could. Along the way, it also made me realise how incomplete I am as person and that I am ultimately helpless on my own. I learned that my greatest strength is God and the people around me.

This year, as I try to secure a job, I want to remember what the past four years were. It was a time I enjoyed both my education and social circles immensely. I don’t want a day to go by where it was aimless and have no purpose. It’s also time to stop living in a bubble and realise the world is much larger than I am. Pope Francis speaks about this and said, “Every Christian is challenged, here and now ,to be actively engaged in evangelization; indeed, anyone who has truly experienced God’s saving love does not need much time or lengthy training to go out and proclaim that love” He goes on to say, “So what are we waiting for?”.

That’s why I wrote this post. I want to remind myself of these things I want to do. It is very easy to forget one’s purpose in life and hopefully, this is a stepping stone against procrastination and laziness.

Indeed, what are we waiting for?

 

 

When I was eight years old, would you believe that I already had a whole cupboard full of toys? Yes, I had everything including bayblades, power rangers, McDonalds collectibles, Hotwheels and swords. You would think that I have enough to last for life but I wanted more. In one of those family outings at shopping malls, I walked past a cart selling those new power rangers and immediately expressed my desire for the red ranger. My dad said no and continued walking. As a kid, I already knew how the human world operates. I did the same thing as babies do but in a different language than crying. I sulked and tried to show as much dissatisfaction as I could. I pestered. I persuaded. In the end, I got what I wanted. I remembered it was my mum that managed to got my dad to buy it. I also remembered my dad being really mad.

That incident was etched into my memory forever and as I grew older, it bore greater significance although it certainly didn’t feel like it at the time. I soon understood why my dad got mad. It wasn’t the fact that I was being impractical or that the red power ranger does not serve me a purpose. It was rather I was immersed in the culture of materialism.

In an South East Asian culture that often weaves between the lines of materialism and desire, we often want the latest thing in the technological or fashion world because we think it’s ‘cool’. Some of us might proceed to show our friends and family what we have to create a sense of jealousy. That was why I wanted the ranger. That’s why some people line up for the latest products. Honestly ask yourself, are we ever truly satisfied?

When it comes down to spending, we tend to steer between two extremes. One end being that we should be entirely thrifty. If it is not food, water or shelter, there’s no reason to buy anything else. The other end being that we should spend as much as we can because what good is money if we keep it in a vault. Can we ever balance ourselves on this delicate tightrope? This is because essentially, these two extremes are a form of materialism. We are either clinging on to the idea of money or the idea of consumer products. Both resulting from an unhealthy obsession to give us a sense of false security and satisfaction.

Can we truly blame ourselves for having such a mindset? We are often tempted to judge people from afar and assume the worst when we should take a step back to understand the situation. Sometimes, consumerism may feel like the only way to increase one’s self-esteem, breathe escapism into a troubled world and create excitement for a mundane and dull life. The problem is we are never truly satisfied and it often feels like an act of pouring water into a sand pit.

Strangely and funnily enough, it’s not the everyday subjects that we buy that are worth the most to us. It’s the items that are a by product of our sweat and tears or a gift from someone dear. The best ones are usually the ones that reminds us of our past. These items don’t have a price tag any more and instead have now become mementoes. It’s a little piece of our lives that gives us a sense of nostalgia, romance and history.

Whether it’s buying for the sake of buying or keeping it as a memento, we can be guilty of always longing for something that is gone and in a constant search for security and comfort. Balancing on the tightrope is hard not because we are controlling what we are buying for ourselves but rather the only way to do so is in learning what is the true value of giving. It is through these acts of giving that creates lines of fondness between humans in society. Similarly, we should appreciate our mementoes but we should use those memories triggered from it to create better ones for people around us. If we are always reminiscing of the past, then are you living in the present?

Letting go of our desires is never an easy thing to do. Separating ourselves from the obsession of material objects is imperative to achieve a greater freedom of the human being. Every object you owned has a story to tell. More than often, they are stories that paints us a protagonist and asks the question, “Did this make me happy?”. Had we ever stopped to ponder the flip-side?

Balance is key and we should reflect on what we actually need in life. As today is the last day of the year, we often have resolutions concerning ourselves and we want to achieve all these personal goals. How about goals concerning others? Often, the greater satisfaction lies not in the benefits you can give to yourself but rather the good you can give to others. That’s how we can grow as human beings and become better people. By and by, hopefully, we realize that the objects we own can be tools to convey our emotions and love for others better.

That’s a better story. Is it not?

 

 

 

 

 

On 17th December 2015, the day of the geeks had arrived. The highly anticipated movie, Star Wars: The Force Awakens was now showing in cinemas. I actually watched it twice on the day of the premier. I went to the first screening with two good friends of mine and took some pictures with BB-8. At night, I third wheeled my sister and her husband to watch it again. Rest assured scruffy-looking Nerf Herders and Jedis alike, the movie didn’t disappoint at all! This is clearly proven when The Force Awakens has now amassed a staggering  amount of $517 million ticket sales in the span of 4 days!

It was a tremendous movie going experience especially because my friend was a crazy Star Wars fan as well. I don’t usually come out of the theatres with a smile. In this instance, I did especially the first time. I was thrown back into a world of adventure, heart and soul. Now, I understand better why everyone was crazy about Star Wars in 1977 when it first came out. For 2 hours, I didn’t feel I was in the cinema but part of the galaxy far far way. Certainly, people were sceptical before entering the cinema because the last three Star Wars movie (the prequels) were a massive disappointment in the eyes of critics and audiences alike. I think it is always a risk to enter the cinema. You can watch the trailers, read the books, look up the plot and catch up on reviews but you can never be certain that it is a great movie experience. In this instance, I went in with such great hope and blind belief. Fortunately, it paid off in the best way possible.

Two days before Star Wars, I was also fortunate to be part of another great movie experience with Wong Fu Productions. For those of you not familiar with their work, I suggest you check out Strangers Again, Somewhere Like This and Movie Cheater. See if you like them, they’re pretty cool. Wes and Phil from Wong Fu were here to screen their movie, titled Everything Before Us in the Wesley Conference Theatre. I went in a group of 14 people and got to meet the crew too. It was a sold out audience and 750 people were waiting in anticipation for the movie. A few friends of mine have watched it and told me it was alright. I don’t think I ever quite believed them cause I had a feeling this movie was going to be good.

Again, I wasn’t let down. I don’t think it was only because of the movie but also because of the audience I was with and certainly my two friends who were sitting next to me. They laughed at every cheesy moment and squealed when the hot cute guy appeared on screen. I laughed, I cried and most importantly I related to the story. Without giving away any spoilers, the movie is about how the Department of Emotional Integrity (DEI) affects the lives of two couples. The DEI gives you a score based on how well you conduct and commit yourself in a relationship. Similar to GPAs and WAMs, companies will now also look at your DEI score too to see if you are fit for the job. A score above 80 will pretty much guarantee you a successful path ahead.

With such a restrain on our lives, no one dares to take a risk in relationships for a fear that their dreams and hope for the future may be shattered. With all that has been happening to me over the past few weeks, I couldn’t have watch this movie at a better time. I like to think of myself as a romantic but that is certainly not true. A true romantic is spontaneous and acts out on instinct and emotion. I am incapable of that as I think too much about what the future will be had I taken these steps. The idea of losing your control over your life is scary and to change oneself because of another girl is even scarier. Now, I understand why some people between the age of 21-25 go through a dry spell because long gone are the days of boldness and exuberance and instead they are buried underneath the notion of career focused dreams and individual pace setting. We would like to think that we are not naive this way and that we are actually maturing because mind over heart is now the theme of our lives.

Naive, derived from the latin word Nativus means showing a lack of experience, wisdom or judgement. I think it’s naive of us to think we can actually halt the emotional needs of our heart and press the on switch once we have a crystal clear vision of what our lives will be like. Myself included.

People often ask me, “Augie, why don’t you have a girlfriend yet?” or they tell me things such as, “Do you know what you are looking for?” and “You have to take a leap of faith someday.” While all these questions give me food for thought, my greatest strength is me acting out of gut instinct. When I told my friend, “I don’t have a girlfriend yet because it doesn’t feel right.”. Puzzled and bewildered, he replied, “What do you mean by right? Does it have to feel right?” Yes, it has to be. I’ve always believed that.

Movies are not quite the same as relationships but there are parallels. In the age of statistics and data obsession culture, we will never know for sure what we are getting into. You can know the scripted plot and the theatre you are going into. From a bigger picture point of view, it’s not about the movie that you are watching, it’s about the person that you are going with. That completes the adventure of heart and soul. I know that one day I will find a girl that I will have hope and believe that she is the one. I will find someone that I will take the risk for.

My friend said this to me the other day, “That feeling of confidence and knowing she’s right will come from God! So you just stay close to Him and your life will take its course as it should be.”

Time will tell.

 

 

 

 

The day was 10 July 2006. The time was 2:00 am. It was a Monday morning. The biggest event of the year had arrived. All eyes were on France vs Italy as the classic story of underdog versus the favourite was about to begin. It was a World Cup final. How can I miss it for my life? However, a few hours before kick-off, my dad gave me strict instructions, “Don’t watch the game, you have school on Monday morning. How are you going to wake up if you watch the game?”. The only reaction I had in my head was, “This is not happening. It’s a world cup final. How can I not watch it?”. So, my dad went out to watch the match with his friends as they had a little side betting going on. Of course, I being the obedient and good child woke up and switched on the television at 2:00 am just as my dad wanted me to. A Meterrazi insult, a Zidane headbutt and 9 penalties later, Italy won the FIFA World Cup 2006. I quickly switched off the television and ran back to my room to sleep. I could hear my dad opening the door as I tried to fall asleep. An hour later, I woke up for school. Unbelievable.

Four years later, it was that time again. It was Spain versus Netherlands. I have been supporting Spain throughout the tournament and got one of those little jerseys too. Again, it was at 2:30 am in the morning! Ridiculous. You would think my dad would give the same instructions again as that year was my final year of study at school. Instead, he ended up watching it with me. Similar to the last World Cup, they couldn’t finish it in normal time and the match had to go on for at least half an hour longer. Ludicrous! I remembered this moment all so clearly.

Now Torres. Iniestia is in the middle. Torres is trying to find him. It’s broken for Fabregas. Now, it’s Iniesta! This is it! That’s the goal. Span have surely won the World Cup! 

That was the English commentary. At that moment, I jumped for joy. Shouted. Screamed. Celebrated. What have you. I did everything. How can you fall asleep after your team wins the World Cup? Similarly, it was 5:00 am in the morning. This time, I didn’t make it to school as my dad let me sleep in and well, I skipped school. I would had thought some if not all of my friends would have done the same thing. There were 45 students. Guess what happened. 44 students went to my class on that Monday. My school had a policy whereby your parents have to explain why their child didn’t attend class. I think my dad wrote in his letter, “My son was tired and was not feeling well.” My teacher read the letter and went, “Tired?”. Everyone laughed as they knew why I skipped class.

My dad told me, “It’s alright. I don’t know if you are able watch the next World Cup. You might not have a television or you might be busying studying in university. It’s only one day of school.” He was referring to the fact that I moved from Malaysia to Australia for tertiary education. I wonder what changed in four years. My dad always said, “One day, maybe I will bring you to London to watch some of the Arsenal games but I’m worried that if Arsenal lose, it will ruin the whole trip.” This was because I went on PMS mode if Arsenal lost a match back in the day. I guessed overtime, he saw how enthusiastic and passionate I was about watching football.

Football does that to you I guess. Maybe not to you, the reader but certainly to millions of  fans everywhere. This is what Jurgen Klopp, the manager of Liverpool had to say when asked about the fans.

We have to make their lives better. Because football is not so important, of course not. We don’t save lives. We are not doctors. It’s our job that they can forget their problems for 90 minutes and then they can talk about the game, about the next game and that’s how I want to live.

Football may sometimes be ruined by allegations of doping, corruption and cheating but regardless, it will always bring that sense of elation that outfights these despicable acts that is until a few days ago. No longer is the commentary about the winning goal but rather about the bombs and explosions that took place near Stade de France. It wasn’t about football anymore. It was now about humanity.

Fans were in fear as they rushed onto the pitch. Players from both France and Germany were in shock as news of the attacks reached their ears. Tweets came out in droves. Profile pictures were changed. The world took notice and were now mourning together with the citizens of France.

Why? Why them? Why terrorise a nation? Why murder?

Why?

As I saw the pictures come out in the news, my heart was filled with sadness but also recognized that I couldn’t do much but pray and be hopeful for the people that were affected by this. Looking at this from a footballing perspective, the Germany players said,

We came to Paris to do what connects us all- to play football, together, against one another and in friendship. To have an enjoyable evening together with our fans, to show sporting ambition, but particularly we came for a fair and peaceful encounter. We all looked forward to playing in the Stade de France, to have a great night of football, which ended up turning into a nightmare.

I can never understand the reasoning and the motive of  the culprits responsible for this. As millions of other people asked the same question, suddenly there were two factions of people that slowly emerged. One decided to bash religion and begin to pour hate onto the Muslim community. Another decided to point out the selective grief that our society so often engages in and did not care about the attacks on Beirut and Baghdad. If you are able to recall, a similar thing happened during the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013. In a time where solidarity and unity is most needed, we couldn’t even agree that the actions of a group of people does not reflect a religion. We didn’t have to criticize and condemn those that showed their support through tweets and photos. People don’t actively search for bombings all across the world on the news to respond to. The human mind responds to what they see on the news first.

However, I do agree that we do grief selectively. Beirut and Baghdad have every right to feel aggrieved that the world did not show as much support to them as they did to France. Perspective is needed. This is not down to the problem of new age media but rather the problem of us as individuals. When violence and bombings seems to be the norm in a city, we grow desensitized to it. When places such as The City of Light, known for its art, music, culinary and entertainment is attacked, the mind immediately recognizes the out of the ordinary.

There’s also the perception to take our lives for granted. We often forget each of us could go at any day of the year. Hence, we seem to live in a bubble whereby news of the world does not concern us as we think we are only affected by all that is occurring locally. Is this what the world has come to?

In the last stanza of the poem by Karuna Ezara Parikh, she wrote:

Say a prayer for Paris by all means
but pray more,
for the world does not have a prayer
for those who no longer have a home to defend
For a world that is falling apart in all corners
and not simply in the towers and cafes we find so familiar

In an age where people going to a football match to forget about their daily struggles and worries for 90 minutes can’t do so any more in fear of terrorism,

where security has to be heightened to combat against suicide bombings,

where we believe actions of a group reflect a whole religion,

where we seem to have no more hope in humanity,

The world is our football field. Each person our team mate. We are not only responsible for each other for 90 minutes but for the rest of our lives. We need to remember to love. We need to remember to show compassion. That’s how we overcome our worries. That’s how we overcome our struggles. That’s how we should live.