Friday – 11:45 pm (close to midnight)

I sat down at my table in my Airbnb room, scratching my head, wondering what to write for my best man’s speech. You would think that writing speeches would be easy if you had known the couple for a long time, but I think the longer you know someone, the harder is it to find the right words to say, to complement the occasion, to give them a small gift and in some ways, to truly appreciate what a beautiful friendship I have with the groom amidst the words spoken.

Slowly, I gathered my ideas. I figured the best place to start was how I first met the groom and how we became close friends. The common interests, background and faith quickly forge a close bond, and although we live 40,000 km apart, we’re still the best of friends.

I always thought more of him: one that has so much compassion, kindness, attuned sensitivity and loyalty. I remembered there was one time that I was going to catch up with him and I was running late. As I approached the restaurant, I saw him crouching down next to a homeless lady, just listening closely in conversation. How many of us have walked past a homeless person without thinking twice? Some of us might be inclined to give a few dollars, the spare change we have in our pockets. But to lend a listening heart? That’s something special, something most of us can’t say we do.

I think the things that really stayed with me was in how he treats his then girlfriend, now wife. There are the little things like calling her every night, walking her to the bus stop, cooking for her and giving up winning on FIFA to pick up her calls. Then, there are things like switching jobs to Perth so that he can be closer to her while she completes her med studies, patiently waiting for her to finish before marrying her.

Having remembered all of that, I tried turning those sentiments into a speech and managed to deliver it on the night, much to my relief. Now, it was the groom’s turn to give his speech, starting off by quoting Jon Foreman’s commentary on Switchfoot’s song ‘Love Alone Is Worth the Fight’, to remind us about what love truly is, that it is the true antithesis of fear.

He continued, “It would be a shame if we all do is get married, have our family, settled down in a nice little 3 by 2 and stopped there. We need to do more.” And that we need to help them. That we need to continue supporting them. That they need us, to help him and his wife fight the good fight. The fight of love.

The speech ended to a raucous applause. Probably because it resonated with lots of people too, providing us with a much needed tonic in today’s times.

As the night ended, I go to bed exhausted, relieved, joyous and excited because of the wedding and also the fact that my girlfriend and I are going to Singapore for our holidays the next day.

* * *

Sunday – 8:00 am

The next day began as normal with Sunday mass. Our flight wasn’t till night so we had some time to spare but because of all the business, we didn’t actually plan until this far and wasn’t sure what to do.

Thankfully, there was a married couple we knew that were going to go to Swan Valley. Without any hesitation, they told us to tag along, which was great!

They then send us back to a friend’s house after and we waited for our friend to fetch us to the airport. We were going to eat at the airport but our friend’s parents told us to join them for a home cooked dinner instead. Feeling shy, we kindly refused but they insisted. So, we joined them, feeling touched by the generosity given to us.

My friend fetched us to the airport. Normally, he would drop and leave. Instead, he parked his car close by as he wanted to send us off at the departure gates.

That was probably heaven in disguise as both my girlfriend and I were told we couldn’t fly to Singapore by the person at the check in counter. My girlfriend’s passport was expiring next month. As a general rule, your passport needs to have 6 months or more if you want to fly anywhere else other than your home country.

We were a little shocked. Regaining as much composure as I could, I told my girlfriend and our friend to find some place to have a seat first to calm ourselves down and see what to do. Looking up flights to Malaysia (that’s where we are from), we thought the best course of action was to book the 6:50 am flight on the next day. Then, we realised we have no place to stay at for the night. Of course, we could have found a hotel nearby or an inn but for a brief moment, we didn’t know what to do and were without a home.

Our friend said, don’t worry and to go back to his house first. He suggested for us to stay at his place but we didn’t want to intrude his family. Already, there’s his brother, sister-in-law, nephews, father and mother living in the same house. It was crazy for us to crash there, even if it’s just for the night. But our friend insisted.

His family, especially his parents welcomed us with open arms and said not to worry. We would have been fine just sleeping on the couches in the living room, awaiting our flight but instead, they set up sleeping bags in the children’s play room so that it was more comfortable for us.

Grateful for a place to stay, we showered and tried to rest as much as we could.

* * *

Monday – 4:00 am

We got up, still reeling from the aftermath. To my surprise, his parents woke up at the same time too. My friend’s dad said that he will fetch us instead. He even made some coffee for my girlfriend and I, knowing how little sleep we got. We got ready, drank the coffee, got our bags and left. My friend’s mum accompanied us as well to send us off.

We got to the airport, said our goodbyes and thank yous. Frustratingly, there was a long line at the check-in counters. Feeling a little distraught the night before, I forgot to check in and so we couldn’t go to the baggage drop counters instead.

At this stage, I was still trying to process what has happened. We have planned the trip for a while now and were really looking forward to it. Suddenly, we couldn’t fly, due to a passport mishap which was apparently general knowledge. Suddenly, we had to cancel everything. I don’t even know where to go and what to do next after arriving in Malaysia.

As we waited in line, I didn’t speak to my girlfriend, because I was angry. She got even more upset than she already was because she thought I was angry at her but I wasn’t. Maybe a little as it was her passport but I should have picked it up too. I should have known this. I was also responsible. I was more frustrated by the whole situation, angered by the helplessness of it all.

People might say it’s only a trip and it’s only money loss. But in the immediate aftermath, it’s hard to look at things that way.

As we boarded the plane and took off, I was able to calm down. I looked to my right and knew my girlfriend was really upset, largely because of me. Clearing my thoughts, I was finally able to think and realised the trip can still happen. Maybe in a different order. Maybe in a different way than envisaged but still a possible reality.

The trip can and will happen.

I remembered my friend’s advice (the groom that just got married) from the night before after I called him about this. He said, “Be easy on her”. He was right. I had no right to be angry at all.

I apologised to my girlfriend.

And we started talking again.

* * *

We sometimes forget or don’t realise that the love of others plays an important role in the way we love others. That love can cause a chain reaction. That it builds upon each other. That love remembers.

I remembered someone telling me that before but I never quite understood what it meant then. How can love remember? Love doesn’t have a soul. Nor does it have a memory.

Oh but it does.

Each time we love, our love carries the past memories of affection and sacrifice with it. It is because we were loved in the past, that we love now. Love remembers love.

I learned very early on from my friend (the groom), that when I have a girlfriend, I’ll make sure to talk to her every night, even if it’s just a short phone call, it will be worth it. Some of my ideas of love are influenced by his perspectives and experiences of it as well.

When my girlfriend and I next meet a hopeless couple whose passports are expiring the next month, we will offer them shelter and make them coffee in the morning. Heck, we will warm up some cakes for them too before fetching them to the airport.

All the relationships of before and all the love I have received reminded me how important my girlfriend is. It made me remember to put my ego aside, to apologise and to talk about things no matter how bad they may be.

And the love that we all have and share with each other? That stems from the firmaments above, from the One source. Whenever we love, it remembers His love, the sacrifice of Christ. The patient, kind, humble, selfless, merciful and sacrificial love.

Our love is a remembrance of His love.

Eventually, my girlfriend and I did go to Singapore, a little miraculously might I add. We’re glad we managed to make the trip happen and it’s these little acts of kindness along the way that has helped make it a reality. We will always be grateful for this.

Perhaps it’s apt to end this with what my friend quoted in his speech:

“‘Love Alone is Worth The Fight.’ For me this title sums up the past 15 years of our time as a band- nothing else is worth the fight, worth the struggle, worth the scars,” Foreman added. “Nothing else even comes close. Not sex, not drugs, not even rock and roll. From time to time we all come to those difficult moments of struggle- when life becomes a fight. Maybe we are depressed and can’t seem to find a way out. Or maybe we’re dealing with the loss of someone we love. And maybe in that existential moment we begin to wonder what we’re living for, what we’re aiming for, what we’re struggling for.”

“Yes, there are dark times when I fear the unknown. I fear pain, I fear humiliation, I’m afraid of the unknown within myself.,” he continued. “But reacting blindly, driven by our fears leads us to horrible places. Maybe fear is love’s true opposite. Racism, genocide, religious wars- these are fueled by fear. Most of my worst decisions, including hatred, are fueled by fear. But perfect love casts out fears. Perfect love brings us to a place of strength where we can accept the people and situation around us rather than fear it or deny it.”

Love alone is always worth the fight.