Hi.

It’s been a while since I wrote here. This is definitely the longest I have gone without writing anything. I am pretty sure any fans of the blog have gone away with the wind. When I wrote the last post, Epilogue, I can’t say that I thought I would stop writing but at the same time, I probably titled the way it is just in case it was going to be the last one.

At least, it would have ended with a fitting and poignant title.

That’s the thing sometimes, isn’t it. We read a story to get to the resolution. We watch a movie to get to the end credits. The end is what makes things makes sense. People want to retire early. People want to have a goal to work towards to. For example, Quentin Tarantino have always wanted to stop film making after 10 movies. He has said that since the beginning.

Knowing the tunnel has an end, you know that at least every step you take will take you somewhere, that eventual crescendo . It gives your strides purpose and your footprints meaning.

So, perhaps, after such a long time of writing here, maybe sometimes, the end just makes sense, giving it a sort of fufilment

I say that as though I’m a top contributor of high quality journalism and refreshing insights of the modern world, only to be ached and tired by the incessant chaos and destruction we see around us. And that my virtual pen is starting to give way with all its ink almost dried up. All that’s left is the shell of a pen decorated by heavy scratches and fades of colour, writing itself towards its own eventual end.

But of course, I am not. I am only a blogger who just wants to make sense of life. I stopped writing for so long because I stopped writing. I know it sounds silly but writing needs practice. The longer you stop, the harder is it to get back to it. You don’t have to write well all the time but you just have to keep going and eventually, that persistence will bear fruit.

So I guess you and I are overdue for a catch up. What’s been happening?

I would like to reply nothing much but I can’t really say that, can I? Since it’s you and I, let’s be honest to each other.

Well, I started taking driving lessons this year. I know. I’m like 26 and I still can’t drive. But yer know. It’s never too late to start. I think. It doesn’t help that I have a Chinese uncle who is teaching me. From the way he teaches me, it is possible he was in the army and he probably survived for five days in the wilderness just eating bugs. I mean this guy labelled me a young cow that is afraid of a tiger when I first started! A young cow! But he’s probably just passionate about road safety.

It is super annoying because I feel like I can drive well but I keep making silly mistakes here and there, like not checking my blind spot when I turn left. Or not looking left and right at the intersection when I drive through. I have lapses of concentration too. After clocking so many hours, I still feel as though I’m getting no where.

It’s frustrating because I know it comes easily to so many people, just not to me.

Another thing has been work. My friends know this. That has been tough: having to deal with staff changes, project challenges and different roles. Actually, not just for me. But for my girlfriend as well. She’s into her first year of full time being a nurse and some days do really get to us and I know a lot of you out there are affected too.

I try to work hard. When I first started. I had this zeal about work and I wrote about this too. I said:

We all have our dream jobs, of places you want to go and things you want to do. It doesn’t matter what they are. When you have a job, you have a job. You do it well and you pour everything you are into it. We are made to love. How then do I love when I’m at work all day? I love by putting the most effort I can possibly give and try the best I can. Every document and every line I type is something I want to be formed a result of my love. If that also means staying back after normal working hours, then so be it.

And you know what. It’s really really hard to do that sometimes. It’s really hard to do even the basics. Some days are especially harder, compounded by isolation, challenging clients and difference in expectations. Perhaps it is not my blogging pen that is wearing out, it’s my ball bearings and composite wings.

As my girlfriend said to me, “You know, life is hard.”

And it’s not just work related. All of us are facing our own challenges and battles.

It could be that you can’t get pregnant even after trying for five years. It could be that your parents want you to be in an arranged marriage but you really don’t want to but you probably will out of respect and obedience. It could be you lost your job, or having difficulty in finding one. It could be that you have nose cancer and need to do so many chemotherapy sessions. It could be that your dates and relationships doesn’t seem to work because of your past baggage, that you’re divorced and have a daughter.

If they sound like really specific examples, it’s because they are actual things that are happening to people around me.

And honestly, these examples are scary for the people facing them because you don’t know when it will end or how it would end. It’s not even about worrying about purpose or meaning anymore, you just become worried.

What do you do?

I guess all that’s left is to keep trying. And try harder. Perhaps look at what’s not working and see what you can improve on. Perhaps work twice as hard.

And when all is said and done, sometimes you just have to let go and trust it will work out.

That’s all you can do.

And I’ll end with a little something from an unlikeliest of sources, someone that I follow on Instagram for her eco-awareness. She wrote:

I pose a simple thought: What if we learned to navigate through every doubt and closed door with the confidence that all good things will happen in its own time? Maybe, it shouldn’t be as difficult as we make it to be. Maybe, the key is gratefulness. Maybe, every heartache and bit of uncertainty is leading us to exactly where we’re made to be. Maybe, we just need to trust the process.