One word.

One idea.

That’s how it starts.

That’s how most of my posts start. When something comes to mind or even just the title, I will imagine the starting and proceed from there. Last Saturday, as I sat in my house, taking a break from studies, I was going to write about ‘Losing Faith’. Some of my friends have been going through some tough situations and they were losing faith in God, in life and in people. I never want to write extensively about God in my blog cause I didn’t want to exclude those that didn’t quite know what to believe in God. So, I was just going to write about losing faith in life and see where I go from there.

Wrote and wrote did I do but somehow the fruits of that labour did not come true.

I had writer’s block. Everything I wrote didn’t feel right. I couldn’t imagine the ending. I couldn’t see the reason of the post. If the author can’t see it, what more about the reader. I was stumped.

As always, I decided to just leave it and maybe come back to it another day as I was preparing to go to the Jayesslee concert. Yes, the very same duo I referenced in my last post. To be honest, I was really excited. Actually, that is an understatement cause as I was second in line for the meet and greet, thanks to my sister, I was on the verge of hyperventilating. In my head, I was like what I should say to them as I greet them. Maybe something cute and funny like, “Hey, I have been a fan of you … since yesterday. Jokes! Psych! Been a fan for four years. Listen to all your music and bought them on iTunes. *insert more mindless talking*”.

The moment eventually came. I saw them! Both Sonia and Janice came out to the little podium. I’m telling you, their beauty is like… astounding. I could barely process the moment. As it was my turn to greet them, I was going to say everything I wanted to say only to end up saying “Hi”. My words somehow all turned into bubbles. It was a combination of awkwardness and awe. Seriously, I barely remembered what I did except I stood like a penguin when I took the photo with them. Argh… why couldn’t I be more calm?

I sat in the first row at the concert. I had a really good time as you can tell from the pictures I took. I know I mentioned I don’t usually take pictures but… whatever. As the concert progressed, I was pretty ecstatic as it was turning into a night to remember because of all the wonderful moments.

But after three quarters of the concert passed, the music died down and I half anticipated what was going to happen when she said they were all about sharing stories. Sonia sat on the stool and spoke about her miscarriage, the very some one I talked about in my last post.

She explained how she and her husband have been trying really hard to have a baby. They went for a usual hospital checkup and  the sonography just didn’t pick up an image at all. She knew something was wrong immediately. The doctors told them what happened. Naturally, she broke down in tears and didn’t know what to do. As she walked to her car, she stumbled and just couldn’t take it. She questioned God as to why this happened. Why? Just, why? She felt despair. She was losing faith.

However she said this and I hope I am quoting correctly, “There was this moment which is one of the most important life lessons I will have in my life. In that moment I broke down, it occurred to me I had a choice to… rejoice. Hey, they rhymed. Haha. I had a choice to rejoice. I had a choice to have joy in suffering. The same joy God has given me. At that moment, I chose to rejoice.”

She was really thankful for all the support her family, friends and fans have given her and that God always has a plan. Then, she and Janice stood up and sang I Will Exalt which is a praise and worship song. I will remind you that the concert was held in Enmore Theatre, Sydney which is very secular and attended by people of different background and faiths. But they had no fear, no qualms, only courage. They performed a praise and worship song in front of more than 5000 people.

In a night filled with wonderful moments and of the concerts I attended, this one was the most powerful moment I ever witnessed in a concert and one I relate to personally. Sure, I go to watch Jayesslee perform, got to greet them, got to hear some smooth guitar skills, even saw their children on stage but this, this was the standout.

How is it that someone who just suffered a miscarriage, chose to rejoice at the lowest moment of her life? How come someone still have faith in God when life has been taken away from her? That is astonishing.

At that point, I realised I had been going around my intended blog post wrongly. Being a Catholic is a large part of who I am and I was trying to write a post about losing faith without referencing God in it. That was what was wrong. I admired Sonia not just because of her astounding faith in God, but because of her courage to be Christian at all times, in front of everyone.

What happens when you lose faith in God? I don’t know. Many things happen I guess. It’s so easy to give up when situations gets hard but when I see things like this, I know why I have faith. I know why I’m Catholic. Because He has given me all that is good. Because He loves me. A loving family. A shelter. Education. Food. Water. Friendship. Guidance. I have faith because my family has faith. I have faith because I love Him. These are things I can’t not say.

For those of you that have a hard time believing in God and in people again, because they have hurt you over and over again, being human is a lifelong journey. If we don’t have faith that ourselves and people can become good and can become better, how can then someone be better when no one wants to believe in them?

Today might be the worst day in your life. It doesn’t mean tomorrow can’t be better. That moment you yearn for so that things start to make sense again is not far away. We just got to be patient, as hard as that is, is what we need to be. Pray for a sign. If you don’t believe in prayer. at least be hopeful for one.

One match.

One spark.

That’s how it starts.