Almost a week ago, I met up with a very good friend of mine from my high school in Malaysia. I am now in Sydney. I haven’t seen him for more than a year now and sometimes you have that strange feeling, “What do I say to this guy?” even though you have known him all your life since childhood so it’s a really strange question to begin with. Of course, if your friendship is a good one, it doesn’t matter how long you have not seen each other, the friendship always has two buttons to it, the pause and the play. It’s almost as if time never moved and you find yourself resuming business as usual even if the circumstances and time has changed.

So, this is a friend whom I grown up with. If anyone can cut through my pretence and know me for the real me, it would probably be him. He is not much of a talker and never has been. That’s just the way he is. Despite not being as talkative as I am, I do understand him and it’s amazing to see how responsible he has become with time. He was always the sensible and responsible one among my group of friends, sure, he may spout out the craziest stuff sometimes, but underneath all that, he was always focused on what he was doing and had sheer determination.

It’s funny too when you think about it. Say you haven’t met a friend for a long time, you would figure that he or she has changed character wise, fashion wise and maybe even the hairstyle. But then again, do we ever really change? Go and reminisce of yourself a few years ago and compare to your current person, have you really change? It’s a matter of perspective really. In some ways, I am now a completely different person but my core remains the same from since when I was a child.

While I and him walked to the bar, we talked about our future and the directions we are taking in our lives. The question really is, “Do you want to go back to Malaysia?”. It’s as simple as that. He had no difficulty answering it while I couldn’t manage a proper answer for various reasons. All those years, I always tried to deflect the question of “What do you plan to do after you finished studying?”, thinking that I can push it to later. Really, I paused it. Eventually, time caught up and the question that was part of a casual conversation has now transcend to a serious one that I can’t escape from.

When I was younger and I was 8, I was asked to write down what I wanted to be when I grow up. I wrote, ‘Bank Manager’ (after my dad), ‘Scientist’ and ‘Civil Engineer’. Thinking back, it’s amazing that was the list instead of it being read, ‘Policeman’, ‘Fireman’ and ‘Ironman’. I was more grounded in realism than I thought and possibly it was because of my mother saying that, “If you like math, you should do engineering,”. Oh, how wrong was she. Engineering is much larger than that. It is the bridge between theoretical models and the physical world; imagination and realism; and ultimately, it offers a reasonable solution to problems.

I definitely didn’t take up bank manager and instead ended up on the latter ambitions. I guess I am doing research into science but I didn’t quite make it as a civil engineer as I am not civil enough (har har, insert comment here about how unfunny I am). I did take up aerospace engineering. So, there’s that. But the most amazing and yet scary part about dreams and ambitions is that they can change and can be anything you want it to be. What if the ambition you wanted as a child has now changed? You find that the path you wanted is not quite what you want it to be now.

When thinking about the future, family commitments, romanticism, career and relationships come to mind. Few people can say they picked a path that satisfied all of that. It always requires some sacrifice one way or the other. A few months back, I asked this question, have you ever thought, “Where do I go from here?”. Throughout the past few months, I had definitely been struggling with the idea and was desperately searching for an answer. Then, a friend said to me that day, “Well, let me ask you this, what makes you happy?”.

I definitely didn’t take up after my dad as a bank manager but in a lot of ways, there are parallels between me and him. One of them being we have romanticism for the place we grew up in. Eventually, he made the decision to leave the place he worked at for more than 10 years to move back to his hometown because, well it is his hometown. I, on the other hand want to go back to Malaysia after I finished studying because similarly, I can’t phantom the idea of leaving the place where I grew up in, received my school education and was so immersed in the culture. Four and a half years ago, I wanted to write a note reminding me of this. I never quite wrote it because I knew, inside of me, that I can never quite force my perceptions and ideals from the past on my present self.

The idea to let life pleasantly surprise me never has been my strong trait, or so I thought. I have been out of my comfort zone more than I thought I had. I was the one that told my parents that I am willing to follow my dad to his new working place and leave my hometown. I tried out choral speaking and public speaking in front of a huge crowd. Despite reluctantly coming here to Sydney, I now know a lot of people from all walks of life. I travelled to Melbourne with a band of strangers that spoke my third language. I maybe terrified of dates with girls but I never back away from it.

I am always afraid of losing my identity but slowly realising, my identity was build from me leaving my comfort zone and never afraid to challenge myself. Instead of being scared of my life ahead of me and not knowing where to go from here, I should embrace the fear and remember that the best questions one has to ask themselves are always the simplest ones. “What makes me happy with my life?” As self centred as that question is, it really isn’t as well because ultimately passion drives what we want to do in life. That’s when your best work is done.

For now, I don’t know whether I’ll be leaving my country, my friends and people I’m close with in search of my dreams and aspirations but I had always tried my best to maintain those relationships. I think about them all the time and love all these wonderful people that had come to my life. I do know one thing. Eventually, I have to let go of some things around me. Life is constantly moving and changing. My character will keep changing and hopefully grow for the better but I do believe a large part of me will stay the same. Again, matter of perspective. For those that I love and if they feel the same way about me, as long as we make the effort, when I see you again, I know I can easily just press play.

So, I went to watch The Script not more than two days ago. Guys, if you don’t know what the Script is or who they are, can you please go and have a listen at them already? Famous for churning out tunes that give the so called ”dem feels”, they have written popular hits such as ‘For the First Time’, ‘The Man Who Can’t be Moved’ and ‘Hall of Fame’.

So, I went to the concert with a couple of friends. It was interesting because this is the second time I’m going to watch The Script, the first time being free as Optus gave out tickets to everyone who participated in their volunteering projects. Somehow, I didn’t feel quite as pumped up as before and wasn’t overly excited for them. Anyway, I’m going to try to do a homage to Buzzfeed and list out THE FOUR MAJOR ANNOYING THINGS YOU EXPERIENCED At A CONCERT. Okay, not really, but I will do my own spin on it.

1. Sweaty, sweat, just sweat and more salty water
Goodness, the mosh pit. Mosh pit is where you basically stand with the rest of the crowd and be jam packed into it like sardines. So, I had people squashing me from all sides. Left, right, up and down. Hence, there was body contact and just their sweats. At the end of the concert, when you walk out of the stadium, you could feel your shoes sticking to the floor. That’s how sweaty the situation is.

2. Girls with ponytails
Girls, seriously, I get it, you like your long hair and you also like swinging to the music and just bop your head left and right. Just realize, that your ponytail IS AS LONG AS A ACTUAL HORSE’S PONYTAIL AND THAT YOU MIGHT JUST SLAP SOMEONE BEHIND YOU WITH IT. I felt like I got hit with a gust of wind and it just knocked the senses out of me as this girl was waving her ponytail like a flag at a Mardi Gras parade.

3. Synchronized motion
You can never quite tell at a concert what to actually do. Here was I waving my hand from left to right as the lead singer told me to and there’s always this guy that awkwardly fist pumps his hand up and down while everyone is waving their hand from left to right. Then you have someone waving left to right instead of right to left. If that’s not enough, you also have moments where you are clapping for the band and then you realize, you don’t know whether you should continue clapping or take down your hand awkwardly like a guy burping and farting at a memorial service during the minutes’s silence.

4. The eager social media butterfly beaver
Sometimes, I wonder if the smartphone was even a good creation. It takes up so much of all our time on a daily basis. You just find yourself on it for hours at times, and then you try to recall what you done on your phone, and really I can’t recall anything at times. Unsurprisingly, there are always people that take pictures and videos of the band during the concert and upload to Instagram and Twitter bird on a constant basis and hashtag everything from #hangingoutwiththeScript to #omgDannytouchedme.

Alright, back to normal writing. I actually surprised myself that I didn’t take out my phone to record anything during the entire process. I have always done some sort of stalker photo taking at concerts I attended but not this time. I decided to completely immerse myself in the experience. After the concert my friend asked me if I recorded anything good, I said I didn’t record anything and she asked, “Why not?” She said she recorded a lot of stuff for memories. I guess she has a point but then if I were to pay that much for a concert, I guess I just rather want to experience them through my senses at that moment and not worry about recording it. I feel that when I listen to their songs again on my iPod, I will remember vast memories from the concert.

As idiotic as the smartphone is at times, it has its moments and I’m sure this moment has caught on everywhere in concerts. Danny O’Donoghue, the lead singer asked us all to take out our phones and turn on our flash light and waved it in the air. For that moment in time, it was of the most beautiful things you will see. It was almost like a night sky, filled with stars, with each star representing the radiance of the human being. It’s almost like Samwise Gamgee shining the light of Earendil, except this time, there’s no Frodo to save and no evil spider to combat. If you didn’t get that reference, nevermind. Just, nevermind. Just keep reading.

Danny later on wrapped up the concert with his speech before the final song. He said, “This is what music can do for us. It doesn’t matter what religion you are, who you are, where you are from, thin, skinny, tall, short, fat, music brings us together. Music connects all of us. Each of us are here for a different reason. Some of us constantly think about the future. Some of us are trapped in the past. I want you guys to live in the moment. This moment, I want you guys to live this moment right here and forget about everything else.”

That speech was something, huh. So, there was that. I immensely enjoyed myself and it was great. I mean, The Script guys. What a performance. After an intense night of fist pumping, bobbing my head up and down, losing my voice as I shouted the lyrics, late night burgers, I went to catch the bus home. Funnily, the bus came seconds before I reached the bus stop. I ran after it and managed to catch it in time. Moments. Funny how if you don’t grab that moment, it just flies by you.

Anyway, till next time. Catch you later.