I haven’t really blog much recently, have I? Actually, let me take that back. I haven’t really connected much recently, have I? Honestly, can a man be that busy? Or is he trapped in his own world by pushing the blame on a busy schedule when he could have organized himself better?

Let me start off by writing how I normally talk to people. First off, I’m on whatsapp, all the time. Yes, I’m on that all the time. It’s a bad habit really. I’m also on Facebook messenger albeit not my favourite form of communication but people use it and so I should too. I also Skype with people especially my parents. There was also that one time I used Viber with a friend back in Kuching. Basically, all forms of electronic communication. Of course, I like having coffee chats the most.

The thing is although I’m on them all day and all night. I don’t think I actually “use” them except for that one Viber call. My friends from Malaysia have been asking me, “Why haven’t you reply our messages?” and I am at a lost to explain. Most of the time, I tell myself that I’m tired and that I just need a break. That’s one reason why I haven’t been able to reply so frequently. I usually asked people from time to time, especially friends I haven’t seen in a while, “How are you?”. I have not done that too. At least, I don’t think I have done enough. Then, there’s Skyping with parents. I realized the frequency that I Skyped with them have been a lot lesser too. Normally, I will ask them to Skype every week but again, I don’t think I have done enough. I will tell you about the coffee chats too but you know how the story goes. I just have not done enough.

What is enough? I ask myself that most days. Is what I’m doing good enough? Will my best be enough? I’m looking through my messages and letters, realizing the connections that I have made over the years and how important they are to me especially the times I could feel the emotion pouring through the questions asked to each other. I used to know how people are doing. Now, I am asking myself, how am I doing?

This semester, I have been drenched with assignments and quizzes like never before. It doesn’t help that I need to look for an internship too and at the same time, figuring out accommodation for next year. It doesn’t help that I needed to do flying over the break and spend a large part of my day taking public transport; the train, the train again, the bus then of course, the light aircraft, then the car, then the train, then the train again. I get so tired that I just want to come home and play my playstation and not do anything else. A large part of it really is down to organization and time management but then there’s also the part about the motivation.

So, that’s why I have been hiding and not been doing much. I spend my free time just watching Youtube videos and FIFA because I say to myself that I am tired but really it is that I am procrastinating. Over time, I lost track of the little things, the things that matter to me the most. Things such as the Skype calls, the random messages, the casual dinners, the birthday presents. These are considered little but they mean a lot to me. I just lost touch with a part of myself and also forgetting about the importance of prayer. I know it’s okay to feel tired and just want downtime but there also comes a time where I need to remember these little things because those are what made and define me.

This is my most personal post to date and I hope you are alright with it. I will end with this. How are you?