I haven’t really blog much recently, have I? Actually, let me take that back. I haven’t really connected much recently, have I? Honestly, can a man be that busy? Or is he trapped in his own world by pushing the blame on a busy schedule when he could have organized himself better?

Let me start off by writing how I normally talk to people. First off, I’m on whatsapp, all the time. Yes, I’m on that all the time. It’s a bad habit really. I’m also on Facebook messenger albeit not my favourite form of communication but people use it and so I should too. I also Skype with people especially my parents. There was also that one time I used Viber with a friend back in Kuching. Basically, all forms of electronic communication. Of course, I like having coffee chats the most.

The thing is although I’m on them all day and all night. I don’t think I actually “use” them except for that one Viber call. My friends from Malaysia have been asking me, “Why haven’t you reply our messages?” and I am at a lost to explain. Most of the time, I tell myself that I’m tired and that I just need a break. That’s one reason why I haven’t been able to reply so frequently. I usually asked people from time to time, especially friends I haven’t seen in a while, “How are you?”. I have not done that too. At least, I don’t think I have done enough. Then, there’s Skyping with parents. I realized the frequency that I Skyped with them have been a lot lesser too. Normally, I will ask them to Skype every week but again, I don’t think I have done enough. I will tell you about the coffee chats too but you know how the story goes. I just have not done enough.

What is enough? I ask myself that most days. Is what I’m doing good enough? Will my best be enough? I’m looking through my messages and letters, realizing the connections that I have made over the years and how important they are to me especially the times I could feel the emotion pouring through the questions asked to each other. I used to know how people are doing. Now, I am asking myself, how am I doing?

This semester, I have been drenched with assignments and quizzes like never before. It doesn’t help that I need to look for an internship too and at the same time, figuring out accommodation for next year. It doesn’t help that I needed to do flying over the break and spend a large part of my day taking public transport; the train, the train again, the bus then of course, the light aircraft, then the car, then the train, then the train again. I get so tired that I just want to come home and play my playstation and not do anything else. A large part of it really is down to organization and time management but then there’s also the part about the motivation.

So, that’s why I have been hiding and not been doing much. I spend my free time just watching Youtube videos and FIFA because I say to myself that I am tired but really it is that I am procrastinating. Over time, I lost track of the little things, the things that matter to me the most. Things such as the Skype calls, the random messages, the casual dinners, the birthday presents. These are considered little but they mean a lot to me. I just lost touch with a part of myself and also forgetting about the importance of prayer. I know it’s okay to feel tired and just want downtime but there also comes a time where I need to remember these little things because those are what made and define me.

This is my most personal post to date and I hope you are alright with it. I will end with this. How are you?

Oh wow, it’s been more than a month since I wrote something. I’m currently waiting on my group members to Skype. It was meant to be 9pm but I guess no one really wants to do anything on a Tuesday night. It felt like one of those days. I thought I should write something. First off, a little update on what’s been happening not that you will be interested. Haha.

I was involved with some peeps yesterday in performing some songs for this thing called the Thanksgiving Mass and Annual Dinner. It was pretty fun and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The day was really good. The filling dinner coupled with the performances of peers made it all the better.

University has been jam packed as usual but I do find myself on a steeper learning curve, blending a bit of practicality together with theoretical study. I had my first experience of flying in a light aircraft that day. I got so excited that I practically told the whole world that I’m flying. People assumed that I’m actually flying the aircraft. No people, just no. I assure you I have no such capabilities of manhandling an aircraft but yes, yes, during the break, I flew a little all over Sydney with my good friend and of course, the pilot (I told you I wasn’t piloting). Someone was cute and told me he DROVE to Wollongong on a Sunday afternoon and that it was real pretty. I told him that I FLEW there on a Wednesday afternoon. It was too good an opportunity to resist. I would attach some pictures with this but as you all would know, I’m a very lazy person and it’s in my nature to be a sloth.

Rewinding back a few more weeks, one of my closest friends left Sydney to work elsewhere. I was going to dedicate a post to him but things got really busy and I just haven’t had the time. All I can say was I felt really sad and happy. Is that even possible? Sappy? Haad? Okay, that’s not working. Anyway, it hit me the hardest among all the departures. That has been a theme this year I guess. One after another leaving to do the work they are called for. Seeing all my friends depart made me think of my own departure in the future.

Four years ago, I would have envisioned myself working in an aerospace engineering company and be on the top of the game. I would have seen myself in rooms discussing projects and will be drinking coffee every morning before I come in to work. I would come home to my family (interpret that yourself).

Four years later, I don’t envision anything any more. There are too many variables to just know what’s in store in the future. I don’t think I just want to be an engineer. It’s true. Looking at my first paragraph, you can tell I’m pretty excited about the flying and aircraft but that wasn’t the only path that grew along the 4 years. Have you sat on the buses and trains everyday; seeing not just people but people who are suffering inside? Have you walked by the subway tunnel, seeing homeless people asking for money and not because they are poor, but because they had terrible experiences? The memories I have had over the years and the friendships I made taught me there’s more to people than what we see.

People say home is where the heart is. People say go with what your heart tells you. What if you don’t know what your heart wants? What if you feel like you are on a tightrope?

Honestly, have you asked the question, “Where do I go from here?”