Have you ever had the feeling of having put in so much effort and heart into something, to realize that it’s done and over before you know it?

I know I felt that way after my Malaysia Certificate of Educations studies finished. Another time was my first uni project which just absorbed every single ounce of energy I had. Alas, today gave me that same sensation again. I don’t think I have done much in my life that I would consider them achievements. What are achievements anyway? Are they a scale or measure of ability and skill? Or are they just an illusion to fill us with a sense of pride? Funnily enough, at all the three events aforementioned, I do not think I felt I achieved something. I felt what my parents have thought me in my life. It was something that I never quite get as a child, when you do something, do it well or don’t do it at all. Being a rebellious child, I felt it was ridiculous to think that way because I am a really lazy person. I really can’t be bothered to keep trying and give it all in everything I do.

What happened today you ask? It was the end of my presidency of this society called the Catholic Asian Students’ Society at my university. I and the rest of the committee did not achieve anything. No. It was a journey to reach out to others and to do everything we could to provide that platform for others to truly experience Christ. That’s not an achievement. That’s what we are called to do. My sister was the president of this society seven years ago and I never fathomed I would be in her position one day. Eventually, I did and I had no regrets saying yes to this chance to do something and make a difference along with others in my university. It thought me so much more than I could ever possibly imagine. Of course, I still have one and a half years left to help out the society as much as I could but in a different role.

The question is now that the job you set out to do is done. What do you feel? I do feel a sense of emptiness cause it’s now gone but I also feel a sense of happiness because things are moving forward and more exciting things are yet to come. Right now, I am at the bridge. I am in between the emptiness and the other side. There is no way I could predict what’s on the other end but I can wait, for time is always on your side if you allow it to be. 

On the journey across the river,

Seeing the setting sun, 

Each breath getting heavier, 

The hourglass almost done,

Alas, I see something, 

I step onto the path, 

Staying there laying,

Leaving behind the raft,

Taking it all in, 

For it wasn’t without ease, 

Hope sets out again from within,

Having now arrive at the bridge.