Hey, there. I thought I would write a few posts before uni starts to get really busy. It already is. This post is about the late Robin Williams and of course, my own personal reflection. I must say when I first heard about his death, I didn’t feel anything at all. My response was: A great actor just died, I hope he rest in peace. That went though my mind. I remembered having this conversation in a group chat. One friend expressed his sadness about his death and another brushed it aside saying that so many people care about his death but do not pay attention about the victims especially children in the Middle East. I added on and said that Robin William’s impact on the world wasn’t that huge and he is just a guy like any other guy. A few hours later, I realized what I said was a terrible mistake. 

First, let me introduce who Robin Williams is. For most people my age, we remember him as the Genie from Aladdin, Mrs. Doubtfire and of course, the guy in Jumanji. For others, Dead Poet’s Society, Good Will Hunting and Good Morning Vietnam come to mind. He’s one of the most talented comedian, improvisational artist, actor and also a philanthropist at heart. He frequently did performances and comedy acts for the American soldiers to support them. All and all, he’s a really good man.

Now, the reason why I said it was a mistake was because as I went through social media and YouTube, plenty of people were paying tribute to this man. Somehow, this felt different compared to other death of “celebrities”. People were genuinely sad and when they talk about him, you could tell that they can breakdown at any time. This guy truly had an impact on people’s lives but how is it that a man whom most people have not seen face to face or had a personal conversation with can affect them. I guess we don’t realize it but we are influenced by things we touch, see, feel, watch and hear. His shows and movies had enlightened so many people because it had heart and the simple joys of laughter can always turn a bad day into a decent or even better one. In the same way some of us look up to Robin Williams as we would a famous president in history, a saint, our friends and families.

The news that he committed suicide because of depression broke the hearts of many and that puzzled people as well because some took to the Internet and said that he was a coward for taking the easy way out. I was really annoyed by those comments because how can we say such things and assume it was cowardice. 

I remembered when I was younger and we were taught that committing suicide is a straight passage to hell (if i remembered correctly). I accepted that but I do not think I ever took that to heart. When I was 16, Brother Albinus; a great teacher, asked us this question in bible knowledge class, “Now, we know that Judas went to commit suicide after he sold out Jesus to the Pharisees. Did he then go to hell?” Some of us said yes. He calmly replied, “We don’t know for sure. How do we know? We are not God. How do we know? He may be in heaven.” I’m not saying that Robin Williams is Judas. No, far from that but what I’m saying is who are we to label someone as a coward when we do not know his story and try to understand him. If you ask me the same question, I would say I don’t know but I know he was a good man who inspired many people to be comedians and actors. I know he was a man who was willing to battle his drugs addiction instead of succumbing to it. 

Depression is a terrible thing that happens to so many of us without us realizing it. This society is not aware of how serious depression an issue is. Have we taken time to ask someone how are they and to make sure one is not depressed? For those that are, have you asked for help? Is it a sign of weakness to ask for help regarding your disease or is it a sign of strength in humility?

On an ending note, I do not agree that suicide is a coward’s way out because they are so many factors and variables to it. It would be naive of me to make a judgement on someone when I have no idea what it’s like to be in those shoes. At the same time, if you are having serious trouble or issues with life, please don’t see suicide as a way out even though it may seem like the only option. Seek help and find someone willing to hear you out. There’s always help available if you open your eyes and ears to it. We stay in our little corner because happiness seems like a thousand miles away but have you tried to walk to your door and open it? 

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I took the one less travelled by, And that has made all the difference.” Robert Frost 

Have you ever had the feeling of having put in so much effort and heart into something, to realize that it’s done and over before you know it?

I know I felt that way after my Malaysia Certificate of Educations studies finished. Another time was my first uni project which just absorbed every single ounce of energy I had. Alas, today gave me that same sensation again. I don’t think I have done much in my life that I would consider them achievements. What are achievements anyway? Are they a scale or measure of ability and skill? Or are they just an illusion to fill us with a sense of pride? Funnily enough, at all the three events aforementioned, I do not think I felt I achieved something. I felt what my parents have thought me in my life. It was something that I never quite get as a child, when you do something, do it well or don’t do it at all. Being a rebellious child, I felt it was ridiculous to think that way because I am a really lazy person. I really can’t be bothered to keep trying and give it all in everything I do.

What happened today you ask? It was the end of my presidency of this society called the Catholic Asian Students’ Society at my university. I and the rest of the committee did not achieve anything. No. It was a journey to reach out to others and to do everything we could to provide that platform for others to truly experience Christ. That’s not an achievement. That’s what we are called to do. My sister was the president of this society seven years ago and I never fathomed I would be in her position one day. Eventually, I did and I had no regrets saying yes to this chance to do something and make a difference along with others in my university. It thought me so much more than I could ever possibly imagine. Of course, I still have one and a half years left to help out the society as much as I could but in a different role.

The question is now that the job you set out to do is done. What do you feel? I do feel a sense of emptiness cause it’s now gone but I also feel a sense of happiness because things are moving forward and more exciting things are yet to come. Right now, I am at the bridge. I am in between the emptiness and the other side. There is no way I could predict what’s on the other end but I can wait, for time is always on your side if you allow it to be. 

On the journey across the river,

Seeing the setting sun, 

Each breath getting heavier, 

The hourglass almost done,

Alas, I see something, 

I step onto the path, 

Staying there laying,

Leaving behind the raft,

Taking it all in, 

For it wasn’t without ease, 

Hope sets out again from within,

Having now arrive at the bridge.