Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance, for a break that would make it okay, it’s always some reason, to feel not good enough, and it’s hard at the end of the day, I need some distraction, Oh beautiful release, memories seep from my veins and let me be empty, and weightless and maybe, I’ll find some peace tonight.

He stood at the balcony of his apartment while Angel by Sarah McLachlan was playing behind. “What a view this is.” He said to himself. Closing his eyes, he felt every heartbeat of the city, the glory of its lights and the swift sounds of planes flying by. The desire to look into the city from afar and feel its soul and grace running through his veins was something he always desire. Nothing was amiss. Everything was in place. He stood there and took it all in.

* * *

“Hi!”

“Oh, hey. Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I know right. How have you been?”

“I have been good. Don’t you look beautiful today. Where are you going?”

“I just decided to dress up today. Haha. Glad you like it. Do you have time?”

“Yeah, I do.”

* * *

He was wondering where to go next. He then heard the sound of a door click. Ah, it has been decided for me, he thought. Off he goes, he took the lift and went downstairs. A few more steps it is. It was coming in five minutes, he paced faster and managed to catch the train in time. He looked around and found the seat he was looking for. A ride to the heart of the beginning, he wondered. He shut his eyes and drifted off.

* * *

“Do you think we can live forever?”

“Do you want to?”

“If I could, I would. If I could, I want to be with you.”

He kissed her on her forehead and hugged her.

* * *

The train came to a sudden halt. He woke up with a start and escaped the closing doors just by a little bit. A final dance, he thought. He made his way down the path and walk amongst the lights. The lateness of the hour told him this was a bad idea but really what’s the worst that could happen? A little longer wouldn’t hurt. He finally arrived at the beginning.

* * *

“Remember the first dance?”

“I do. You looked beautiful in that dress. How could I ever forget?”

She started crying.

“Why do you have to leave? Why? Tell me!”

“It isn’t my choice. If I could, I would stay.”

He squeezed her hand tighter. It didn’t help but only made her tears flowed all the more.

* * *

This is it, he thought. It felt familiar, again. He took one step forward. One step backward. He began to dance. A ballad if you will. How nice would it be if he could dance forever. How nice would it be. One day, he said to himself. One day, he will be able to hold her in his arms again.

It was almost time. He stopped dancing and looked at the rising sun. It was time to go. He then turned to her and said, “Goodbye, take good care will ya. It’s time now. Go. Go on with your life. Be strong for me. For yourself. I will always love you.”

He kissed her just liked he used to and left.

* * *

He was here. He danced with me and spoke. She felt it. This was different, she thought. She knew what he would have wanted her to say.

“I will.”

As some of you may or may not know, Arsenal, a football club dear to me had recently won a trophy. (But Augie, what does this have to do with me? I’m not interested in sports. LIke zilch. Like nada. Like never. Augie. Why?) Just bear with me for a while. Where was I? Ah, 18th May 2014, 2 am. Yes, that’s right.

I have been an Arsenal fan for almost 9 years now. I started off supporting them simply because I just decided to. Primarily, they were the best club in England at the time and played attractive football. Secondly, I was naive and I went in head first supporting a football club that I don’t really know about. My family members are not really fanatics of the sport, so I was never under the influence of supporting a football club. The closest I came was when my older cousin was around in Malaysia before he went off to further his studies in the United Kingdom. He was a big fan of Liverpool and because I was an admirer of him then, I rooted for the club he supported too. Eventually time passed and I stopped watching football altogether. I don’t quite remember what made me watch football again and instilled the passion in me. Maybe it’s part of the Malaysian culture. Maybe it was my friends. Nevertheless, this changed my life. I know it sounds a bit far fetched to say football changed my life but just bear with me here.

As I mentioned previously, I started supporting Arsenal out of fun and was a casual fan. 9 years, 1 football, 1 bag, 3 jackets, 11 jerseys later, it wasn’t just “casual” any more. This has now become part of me. Supporting Arsenal was part of my life. When they lose, I sometimes would cry. When they win, the whole day becomes brighter altogether. Have I mentioned that Arsenal didn’t win any trophies at all in 9 years? Frequently taunted by oppositions fans and faced with huge humiliation at times, Arsenal became a punchline and was synonymous with the term “trophyless”. It’s hard to describe the feeling. I can only put it at the same level of courting a girl that you really like but never have the chance to be with her. That was how Arsenal fans felt like at numerous occasions. Downbeat, rejected and hopeless with a tinge of optimism.

17th May (London time) was finally an opportunity to put these troubled times behind us. I told my friend we can’t afford to lose this one. “Today is the day. Today is the day we cry with happiness and joy. Today is the day we feel alive… again.” It was the FA Cup final between Arsenal and Hull City. Although Arsenal were huge favourites, my nerves were trembling worse than an earthquake. This was such an important match to the fans and the club. I went to my friend’s house to watch the final. Waiting in anticipation, we played FIFA and had a good time before the game. Just as the game started, our hopes and smiles were soon extinguished by a two goal deficit in the opening ten minutes. My heart sank. It felt all too familiar. Memories of the losses over the years started creeping into me. This can’t be happening. NO. As I sat there in silence, a goal was struck by a free kick in the 17th minute. I celebrated like mad with my friends. 70th minutes, another goal! The match went to extra time, and in the 109th minute, Aaron Ramsey struck the winning goal. At that moment, I can’t even. I couldn’t. It was a mixture of relief, happiness, joy and shock. If my friends weren’t around me, I think I would have cried there and then.

Why bring up this story? Because it taught me an important life lesson and it gave me an impetus I needed. When you support something long enough, it becomes a part of you. Watching Arsenal play over the years has made me grow in character. Even when they are losing 8-2 to our arch rivals, Manchester United or a simple 1-0 loss, I have never switched off the television or the computer. I stayed till the end if I started watching it. I was never taught to give up. I wasn’t about to at any time over the years. People would sometimes say to me, “Why are you supporting a lost cause? Why are you even do this?”, I would say why not but my optimism and courage may seem encouraging at best but in our society, we are being thought to move on if something doesn’t work out.

They would be asking the right questions. Not just in football but in everything else. Often, my enthusiasm and hope gets beaten down and it’s hard to get back up times and have the same intensity of those emotions. In university, when projects and assessments seem to suffocate the air out of you, you just want to stop doing altogether. In a relationship, when things are not as smooth as you want them to be, you question it too. This applies within religion and government organizations too. The light at the end of the tunnel seems millions of miles away. 9 years is a long time to wait for something but many of life’s great achievements didn’t come in just a day or a week. It comes when you persevere through troubled times. It comes when you keep believing in your vision.

Throughout these 9 years of time, I have made such great friendships with people whom supported Arsenal too. I remember two high school friends whom supported Arsenal as much as I did. Over here, the memory of the look on the faces of the two friends I watched football with in the house would always be in my top ten memories. It reminds us that we are not alone in what we believe in. When all else is lost, remember that there are people out there like you. Remember that there are people struggling with the same issues. Don’t mistake your misfortune or failures as yours truly and that no one else have the same or worse problems. That’s not pity. That’s ego. We need each other in this world. This is probably something that I have repeatedly mention in all of my posts but it’s true. We need each other.

I know that supporting Arsenal is something trivial to people but what I learned from it is something that we all need. When you support something long enough without any justifications and rewards, you start to lose hope and faith. Whether it’s God, studies, work, friendship, relationships, family and anything else, you learn to persevere. I revelled in Arsenal winning a trophy after 9 years. Someday, you will get there too.

“Never give up on a dream just because of the time it it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.”