He rubbed the surface of the tabletop with a dry cloth. Well, someone got to make sure it’s clean. It might as well be him. He took a look at the next order. It was mocha with 1 sugar and using dark chocolate. So, that will be a dark chocolate latte with 1 sugar. It sounds familiar but he can’t put his mind to it. So he began the process.

First, grind the coffee beans. Pour it into a portafilter. Then, push or tamp it as hard as you can. Chuck it into the espresso machine and start the shot. Next step is the milk that is filled with dark chocolate. Heat it with the steamer using the ‘ouch’ method. When it feels like your finger is burning, let go and pour the milk into the cup. Then he added the sugar to it. What kind of latte art he should do, he thought. He decided to go with what he likes to do the most. There it was. Two minutes of perfection.

“Mocha with 1 sugar and dark chocolate for a Miss Caroline!” He shouted and looked around.

“That’s me and I’m not a Miss Caroline. I’m Caroline, you dork.”

He looked at who was talking. Oh. That Caroline.  Well, The Caroline, the most beautiful woman he has ever met.

“Oh hello, hi, hello, hi, wow, what are you, errm, where did you come from? What? How?”

“Hahaha. Same old Matt. I came to visit my cousin. It’s her wedding. I’m in town for a couple of days. I thought you were working in a marketing industry in the psych department or something.”

“Errm… what? Oh, this.” He pointed to his apron. “I’m just helping my friend out. He owns this café and he was short of staff today. After all it’s a Saturday. Just helping out a buddy. I’m not a full-time barista by any chance.” He laughed.

She laughed too.

That laugh was music to his ears.

“I see you have a heart shape here on your coffee. Nice touch.”

“Oh, that. Pure coincidence. I meant I mean I meant nothing by it.” He stuttered.

“Calm down, dork. It’s normal for a heart shape to appear on lattes. Besides, I really like it.”

They both chatted for a while, catching up on old times since there were no new customers yet.

Then a customer came. Matt said, “How about dinner tonight? You have time right? Your cousin’s wedding isn’t until Thursday.”

She replied, “That’s a date. Text me where later.”

She smiled and left the shop.

“It’s. It’s not a date. Forget it. You’re already out of the door. Why am I still talking?”

Deep inside, he felt a surge of adrenaline rush. He didn’t remember drinking coffee that day. His heart was pumping. Fast. The thing was he didn’t want it to stop.

* * *

“What should I wear? What should I wear? What should I wear? I’m talking to myself again. Not good. NOT good. Breathe, buddy. Breathe. Damn it. I CAN’T BREATHE.”

He took out shirt after shirt from his drawer. He searched through his suits and ties and whatnot. Which underwear was he supposed to wear? Wait, why does that even matter, he thought. After hours of deliberation and tough cracking mental processes, he decided to go with a long sleeve red shirt, slacks and leather shoes.

He went to the bathroom and showered. He shaved every bit of hair on his face and even attempted his nostrils. He put on his shirt and he was ready to go.  He hopped into his car and drove off to pick Caroline.

He stopped outside her cousin’s house and looked at his watch. Right on time. He waited for five minutes before knocking on the door. Her cousin appeared and giggled.

“Caroline! Your boyfriend is here!”

“I’m not. Oh man. Why do I even try?”

Then she came down the stairs in a white dress. His mind went blank. There was no talking to himself, no thoughts, no brain waves. The only thought was that she made that dress look better than any other woman.

“Are we ready to go?”

She answered yes. They both left the house and drove off.

* * *

They both arrived at an Italian restaurant. It was lit dimly and there were candles at every table. He once learned in a psych class that restaurants deliberately dim the restaurant lights so that the pupils dilate. It was made to look that the couples are interested in other where in fact it was the dim environment playing the trick. Or is it?

“I thought you hated Italian.” Caroline said.

“I thought you loved Italian.” Matt said in response.

He couldn’t tell if she was blushing but he will give himself the benefit of the doubt.

They both sat down and took a look at the menu. She couldn’t decide what to order. She was stuck between marinara spaghetti and lasagna. Then Matt said, “Why don’t we order both and you and I can share? And we order a few sides as well.”

The meals came and they started to dig in. They sat there and talked for hours, catching up on both of their lives.

It was enjoyable, fun and everything Matt could ever ask for. He could sit there listening to her all night if he could but like all things, it had to come to a stop eventually.

Then there came the end of their dinner. So Caroline asked, “What should we do next?”

“I don’t know. What should we do?”

“We can go to the beach. How about that?”

“Sure.”

* * *

Matt and Caroline walked along the beach quietly and just paid attention to the sound of the crashing waves while the moonlight shone upon their faces. It was silent but it felt loud to Matt.

It was a cooling night but Matt was sweating fervently. He was going to say what he felt all these while but Caroline asked him first.

“So, how come you haven’t had a girlfriend all these while?”

“I.. I don’t know. I guess I’m just waiting for a resolution.”

“Resolution?”

“You know, resolution. 720 pixels. Or if you like, 1080 pixels.”

She hit him. It was now or never, he thought.

Matthew then breathed in and spoke, “There are two types of relationship. One that happens and one that does not. Mine is the one that never happened. You may think what resolution can there be to a relationship that never happened. Well, there is one. A guy can never truly move on until he tells the girl he loves that he does. He does not want to go to a new relationship not knowing whether he has truly moved on cause that would be unfair to whoever it is he is with.”

He paused. He wasn’t sure if he could continue. What the hell, he thought.

“I love you, Caroline. I love you.”

Caroline cried.

He stopped talking and let it sink.

Pulling himself together, he then said “I’m not asking for anything in return cause I know that can’t happen.”

Slowly she said, “Why not?”

“You and I both know why. Now that I told you, I feel much better. I can now move on knowing that I didn’t keep anything inside of me and have no regrets. I and you will always have something special. We’re just not meant to be.”

“How then can I move on knowing this?”

“Because I’m not the one you love. Best friendships happen when they tell each other the truth. And now I told mine. I and you are always best friends and nothing more than that.”

* * *

He drove her back to her cousin’s house. She hugged him before she left.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You did absolutely nothing wrong.” Matt smiled.

He then let go of her hug.

She took one last look at him before she went inside the house. They both waved bye to each other.

“Bye, Caroline. I’m talking to myself again. Great. Well, time to go.”

He turned the engine on, pressed the accelerator and drove off.

He thought back of what she asked earlier.

“So where does this takes us?”

“What about it?”

“Where do we go from here?”

“We go to wherever our hearts tells us to. This is closure. But it’s also the beginning of something new.”

 

 

“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.” James A. Baldwn